Well well well, to be honest i sometimes feel kind of lonely, im kind of just sick and tired of being single. Sick and tired of having crushes on people and dealing with all the pain that goes with it. Im done.

Sometimes i even wonder, do i really still like you? Or am i just trying to escape from my loneliness. I dont know buddy. If you really asked me. Things just arent the same for me anymore. Nothing is the same, i reminisce on all the old memories with all my friends, like how we use to be and all. I just dont like it. If anna sees this then yeah, remember how i use to go your house afterschool and be all free and retarded and then i would sleep over and all. haha, i really miss those days. I think that's pretty much how my retardedness developed and now has become my day to day personality HAHAHAHAHA :L and back in the days where school wasnt this stressful, less homework, less effort. also when everyone was less judgmental i guess ? Oh, and when relationships use to mean feelings and not sex. LOOOL thats what i miss.

Just watched "friends with benefits" yesterday with my bestfriend, WHAT A WASTE ! Its like the best movie to watch with a guy :L and i wasted it on going with jenny. omg D: HAHAHA anywho, i really dont deny the fact that i desire the relationship in the movie but thing is, i sometimes still believe in sex after marriage HAHAHAH conservative thinking 8) Bitches be hatin' :L But yeah, i dont know. I kind of do want that relationship, the 'friends with benefit' thing, but not just with anyone, but with 'him'. Im willing to give anything for it even when it means no relationship. The movie is pretty good, its quite relevant cos the girl in there also believed in those "true love" shit. Sadly, that is what i believe in too.

I should stop living my life and hoping it will go accordingly to the movies. Fuck that shit. I will face the fact that i have a non existent love life, and it will probably stay this way ! End of story. LOL i can imagine people, while reading this, is thinking in their mind " cool story bro, needs more dragons "

But yeahhh, this upcoming weekend is going to be big, its going to be a test for me. I test to see my resistance towards you, this test allows me to explore myself, see if i am capable of not recognising your existence and even if i can, if i am able to ignore it. I will not let you or my feelings for you affect me. Well, ill "try" not to let it affect me :L So yeah, pita's party and our unisex game. Looking forward to it. Im ready for this challenge cazity caz. :D