As dramatic and as emotional i may sound. I'm not exaggerating. I am literally drained, every single bit of energy, happiness and trust out of me. I'm sick and tired for of feeling empty, lonely and hopeless, every fucking morning when i open my eyes i feel terrible. Its shown that in the first three second people wake up, they do not recall anything, then why ? why do i fucking feel this way ? i don't even want to talk to new people anymore, im done lying to myself, trying to make myself believe that i have new people in my life, i have money in my life, i have happiness in my life. Well i dont, as much as i try to convince myself ,the only happiness i know is found in our memories. I will remember word for word what you said to me that day you left, "all i remember are the fights, we just werent meant to be". I'm not sad anymore, i dont even feel much. I have no idea half the time what i am feeling. All i know is i have no motivation whatsoever, i mean i dont see a purpose in life, who am i living for ? If the answer is myself, i cant even make myself happy so thus why am i alive. It's not that i dont want to move on, i can't, i will not be able to open up again because one too many times have i heard the words "i will not be like that person, i will give you everything, make you happy, you can trust me". fuck that, i dont want to trust anyone or love anyone. Apart from me and my bestfriend. Family only knows how to use me for money, i'm not different to a product in my mum's eyes. I can depend on no one but myself. But shahid, if you ever come across this, just fucking know, i'll be here for you, you said friends are important to you because they've always come and gone. Well im telling you im here to fucking stay, im here to fucking wait because im addicted, addicted to the pain and the suffering and the sorrows. I long for your love and your body. Sometimes i cant distinguish between love and lust. But hey, what is there for you to lose, you can benefit sexually and financially, because i'm that type of girl. Im fucking treated like dirt so i might as well act like im a cheap ass hoe. Because thats exactly what i was throughout the whole relationship.