What do you want?

People who have been reading my blog, i want to know why. Why are you reading this? Does this concern you? I'm not sure if you are waiting for me to get back up or you're awaiting for the moment i fall over again and never get back up. Which would you prefer? Because i really don't know what i'm doing with life anymore. I indulge myself into romantic movies or dramas again, i thought it was progress that i long for love again, but is it really progress, or am i further creating an idealistic love or an impossible mindset that i set out to fulfill. I have mixed emotions in regards to certain people, and i feel like i keep letting my past get in the way of opening up. I'm just so broken inside i don't know how to put myself out there in a way that it is presentable, that people wont want to avoid. I crack jokes about it, i take jokes from everyone about it, but really, every time it gets brought up, i ache a little inside. I need to get my shit together, but i just don't know where to start. I just want someone to come up, hold me tightly in their arms as i rest my head on their chest, and tell me everything is going to be okay now, everything is going to be better now, i will take care of everything for you.