I knew it was going to end up like this, just like it did with shahid. I dont know what ive done to deserve this over and over. I dont pray for a wealthy life, i dont pray for a long life, i dont pray for a smart life. iI only want a life that's worth living, a life full of love, once a lifetime kind of love. I want love that will last and i want lover that is so infatuated by me that our lives are about one another, that they intertwine and become one. I love you jacky vo, with everything i've got, i know youre the reason why i cant trust, but youre also the reason why i opened up after my last relationship. But men are the same. All of them. I care for you like a mother and love you like a soulmate but all i ever end up with is writing on this blog about how betrayed i feel. Even the slightest trust and faith in you is gone, i thought youd fight, i thought youd stay, i thought you have loved me, and i am wrong about every thing. My eyes are bawling but i feel so angry, i feel so angry at jacky and at myself and at all the chances that i let this happen to me all over. I remember this feeling of pressure on my chest, i remember how every step i take makes it hard for me to breathe, i remember how i struggled day in day out without sleep, i remember how i forced myself through the semester at uni and at work and i remember exactly how it felt to give someone all my trust and have it thrown at your face, i remember how i could not sleep and keep dropping weight, i remembered when i discovered what loneliness really felt like and what it was like to not say a single word about it. I know people say threatening death is an act of attention seeking, but i wish i was dead.