I dont want anyone to know. But its so damn hard. Pulling through. Im surviving.

Going Crazy - Natalie

Oh jenny jenny jenny, do not get upset over your break up, i know i shouldnt be talking because it took me 8 months. But it's okay, you deserve better than him right ? And guys that use other girls as tools to make you jealous is just immature and inconsiderate. Trust me, in no time you'll find your perfect man, you know... his da wun bro. Looking at you reminds me so much of myself that it frustrates me. We experienced the same things and you've coped with it way i did, and we both fail at that shit. I know i know, you still like him a lot, but look at you and then look at him or look at rosa. Farrrr, they aint even at your level girrrl. LOOOL.

Paula Deanda - Walk Away

With me being a cocky cunt, we've OBVIOUSLY won our first unisex game for this year HAHA, i didn't do shit, only 3 steals and one block. How sad. But we still won, so all good buddy all good. Score was 64-41. We did alright, for not trying at all for the first half :) Didnt do much for this holidays, but im doing my Ls test on wednesday, lagged it for two years, hopefully ill pass. Guys wish me luck.

The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

Everyone has a story or a past that cant be left in the past. Something that may have happened years ago but still feel so recent, something that keeps them up all night still thinking about all the possible outcomes. I havent been able to sleep no matter how hard i try. Even if i do, my dreams wont give me a break from my past. It's like i cant run and i cant hide. There's no escape. But i have hope that one day, one day i can let everything go and just let it slide. That day hopefully wont be that far away.. And for those whose past is still bothering them, why dont you accompany me into overcoming this, i would much rather say i have a fear towards my past, explains why i am always avoiding it. Let everything go, thats our only escape to freedom for our heart and mind.

You'll be okay - Varsity

Hows your holidays guys ? Good ? I hope so. Anywho, heres my late post for yesterday. Went out with cindee, james, amy, paul, xavier, william, & jenny B. Hmmm, our plans were originally to go city and go darling harbour for the playgrounds first and then go to the restaurant, but got lazy and just went to market city LOOOL the galaxy world there is MADDD, especially the bumper cars, but i didnt get a chance to go on that, too broke. Musashi is the place we ate at, by the name of it, im guessing most of you would have already realised this restaurant sells japanese cuisine. Pretty alright. That was my day for yesterday :) As for today, i am extremely tired and i just woke up. This is my tactic, watch drama or anything til real late at night like 3am or 4am so i can wake up real late in the afternoon, which will keep my day occupied and get my mind off things...

Scared of Beautiful - Frank Ocean

:( It's summer at the moment, and i am addicted to going to the beach. But sadly, dont have the body to go LOOL ! Thats why im so sad. I worked out for like one week and gave up, couldnt resist the temptation to fast food. :O So now, im back to where i was. A fatass. :L But seriously, i fuuuulllll need a tan and all. Nothing much has been happening for me, my days are fine now, pretty occupied as well. So i have my next two weeks of events all planned out, cant wait ! Thats all i could come up with for today. AND WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOO LAKERS ! WITH THEIR SIXTH STRAIGHT HOME WINS ! :D bye guise :$

Real Love - Eric Benet

Went to cronulla beach with the volley group :) At the station i ran into t blockers, i use to wish i was closer to them so i can hang out with them too. But life doesnt work like that, but it did made me realise how uncomfortable i am around them. I cant really be who i am. I've learnt that friends who accept you for who you are those that will stick by you. Seeing 'him' reminded me that the world still moves on even if i havent. So instead of being strangers with a history, shall i forget everything and just drop it ? Guys, what do you think ? :)

Andy Grammer - Keep Your Head Up

FORGOT TO SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FELLOW NON EXISTENT READERS OF THIS BLOG ! :L:L its already 2012.. wow time has past by way too quickly, its my HSC year already, and this 6 weeks holiday is the only holiday that i cant actually relax without stressing that much about school. But i havent made good use of it, its halfway through my holidays, i've done nothing productive. Fuck. After New Years Eve, im even more sure that im moving on nigga. The reason why i started working out and getting big instead of losing weight was always because of the influence of you. I wanted to be better than you. Now that i know you dont matter, i will still continue with this. I will be strong, mentally and physically. No one aint gone take me down ever again. People ask who im onto right now ? No one. I dont need anyone else, ill do fine. I can protect myself and i will only be dependent on myself. Fuck haters, they make me strong. Pain ? Good joke. Aint even a word in my personal dictionary. Im coming back fresh and new and better than before. Vanny ? LOL who the fuck is that. To conclude my post, 2011, a year where real friends and fake friends show their true identity, pain and gain, mistakes, regrets are all going to be left behind. 2012 will be a year where i make up for every mistake i've made, study my ass of because in 1 year time, i have to make sure my life will be heading in a direction 10 times better than all my haters. As for those that had stuck by, this will be my greatest gratitude i can show towards you which is dedicating this very post to you all. I'll be there if any of you need me, im only good with listening, cant contribute much though. sorry lol. I wish you all the best for this new year of 2012.

Favourite Jam right now : Remember the name - Fort minor

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

Mike! - He doesn't need his name up in lights He just wants to be heard whether it's the beat or the mic He feels so unlike everybody else, alone In spite of the fact that some people still think that they know him But fuck em, he knows the code It's not about the salary It's all about reality and making some noise Making the story - making sure his clique stays up That means when he puts it down Tak's picking it up! Let's go!

Who the hell is he anyway? He never really talks much Never concerned with status but still leaving them star struck Humbled through opportunities given despite the fact That many misjudge him because he makes a living from writing raps Put it together himself, now the picture connects Never asking for someone's help, or to get some respect He's only focused on what he wrote, his will is beyond reach And now it all unfolds, the skill of an artist

Why cant i upload videos on here anymore ??!!!! FML. Uploading it on youtube then. Because i am cool like that. And im a sad bitch, thats why :)

Awkward moment when i remember everything that happened at nye but i pretend that i dont so that things wont get fucked up. Mother of god, what have i done. I was so sad and so frustrated at vanny and then all of a sudden, i felt tears. I was crying. Branden comforted me, and everything that happened after that was just ... plain alcohol's fault. Shit bro. This is weird and awkward, dont know how to face some people anymore .... LOL