Im really tired of trying. You'll never think about me as much as i think about you, you'll never miss me as much as i miss you, you may love me as much, but i'm not feeling it from you. Action speaks louder than words, maybe its time you should stop telling me how much you love me and start showing it.

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

It's only a matter of time before i take a knife and stab my mum or i stab myself.

Merry Goddamn Christmas everybody ! Hope you guys have all had a wonderful day.

I know im not a strong believe of anything, happiness in the long term in general. But there is one person that made me learn and accept the fact that we live in the present. He taught me to live in the moment and not worry so much about something that's not even here yet, fuck what the future holds, as long as i'm happy at the moment that's all that matters. I'd rather look back at stupid things i've done than sit here and wishing that i had taken that chance. Thankyou for the memories made, happy 2 months to the one who taught me to love and feel again.

Met up with le boyfranzz at the station. So he made me strawberries dipped in chocolate and gave me roses for 2months and christmas. Well, with the chocolate... "he tried"...

Practically spent the whole morning at the aquarium today, saw some mad things. Underwater tunnel was THE BEST part, pretty much the reason why i keep going back to the aquarium. Next stop was Pancakes on the Rocks at Darling Harbour. So happy that half the shit at the city was still open.

Wondered around for the city for a while afterwards, so the game plan was we would walk to circular quay in the rain cause we're romantic like that, and then we ceebs and took the train LOL and found out that our ticket can be used as many time as we want in the city. Walked to the Opera House, so can you believe he's never been to the aquarium nor the opera house, i'm like his first for almost everything 8-) Took a break at Guylian Chocolate Cafe. Model Materialzz.

I'm not even creepy, casually taking like 500 photos of him or something. Happy 2 Months to Shahid and Merry Christmas to you all !

Im not a strong believer of long lasting love, but sometimes this really gets to me. Seeing couples that use to be, what i thought was meant to be and how they were the best couple in the world, and after several months of dating, they break up, one month later they're dating this other person from their social group. Wtf do you think this is ? A season of Gossip Girl ? It irritates me when i see pictures of the old couples, their memories, their love, their laughter and fights and they get over all those months in just a week or so? I feel as though i've been looking like an idiot when i believed i had loved someone over a year after my break up, and grasp onto my memories for so long. How the hell does one get over a 9 year relationship in 2 months and start dating someone and seem so in love, it really makes me lose hope and motivation to believe in love. This moment we may seem so in love, as though we can see each other in our future lives but this is only going to be a moment that one of us or maybe both of us may never look back into as we part to our separate ways. Nothing really lasts, this is no motherfucking game, youre in or youre out. Why was i not born in the 20s, 30s or 40s, love is something you search hard and deep for, once in a life type of thing, then there's this generation where we re-enact the many episodes of gossip girl, relationships do not draw a clear line, there are no boundaries and guidelines in which one are to follow, its pretty fucked up to me. I don't want to fall in love, i don't want to get hurt, i don't want to be the only one holding on when we part, i don't want to go through that hell again.

cant blog about sad things here anymore guys, and for those creeping on here to see how bad my life is just to feel better or those that are legitimately checking if im alright, im sorry i wont be blogging about my problems anymore. this blog use to be everything and the only thing i can vent everything to, everything. But it contains hurtful words, meanings, messages that hurts the one i love. From now on, im just going to hold it all to myself because i never want to see him sad. But in return, what do i get out of my effort and time ? Nothing.

im sick and tired of trying, im sick and tired of crying myself to sleep, im sick and tired of us.

I don't understand how i can possibly hate a person this much and still love them as much. I'd be lying if i said you didn't make me cry, more recently, you have become the only reason why i cry. The aching of the heart is enough to tell me that it's worth fighting for, only to a certain degree of significance does the heart begin to ache over a psychological factor, you, my friend, mean more than my own life.

do you see me like im one of your friends? someone that you cant open up to with utmost honesty. i dont know why you push me away when all i want to do is help, be there for you and just quietly stand by your side. I dont know what you want or what you need, but i surely thought i was someone who you could share everything with.

Mixed feelings. I don't know how the fuck im suppose to feel. I feel like i need to understand you and be more accepting and tolerating about you and her being just friends but i can't i just can't. I try my hardest to act like nothings wrong, to try to help you out, advising you and everything while i'm feeling pain. why ? because top gf. LOL jks. I don't know im so fucking annoyed at the both of you, i make jokes and stuff so i can get my hatred out of the way in a not so serious manner so you it doesnt make me seem like that much of a bitch. HAHA i don't know, i want to know everything you guys talk about, no, its not that i don't trust you. Mate, i don't trust her. I mean, you guys already made out, tongued and touch each other inappropriately right before me, who knows when she might make a move. Actually no, i hate you both. More sad than angry. But still. meh. build a bridge and get over it Linda.

I hate waiting for you to go on every night. Especially when i'm THIS impatient.

where were you when i needed you ? where were you when i was tearing up inside. i wanted you to be here with me, through thick and thin. It's funny how i actually thought i've found someone who'd be there for me. Now i feel like its a waste of time, that i shouldn't even bother you with it, just act like im all good and not tell you what happened. That makes it easier for the both of us.

I Wanted You - Ina

I don't know how much longer i can take this. For those that may know me personally would know i am an impulsive person, someone who cant take shit, someone who wont let you go on and on about bullshit about me, someone who would punch you in the face if you piss me off that badly and someone who always have to have a say in something. I've been violently bashed up for the past 3 nights. What can i say, i swear on my life this is the first time, FIRST time in my life that i chose not to talk back, i chose to withdraw myself, i chose to put down my dignity and pride and apologise for something i completely disagree with. Threats, disgusting insults and disturbing words were thrown at me, at one point i'd rather she plunge a knife right into me and just end it all. I've lost it several times tonight, i couldnt control myself, i clutched onto my hair and then grasp a tight fist, i broke the wall. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry i can't be the child you want me to be, i'm sorry i can't be perfect, i'm sorry i've caused so much for, i'm sorry i didnt show that i cared, i'm sorry for keeping it within my heart, that i loved you, i loved you i loved you i loved you. But from today on wards you are no longer in my life, you will not be in my future, you will not play a part in my life. Soon, very soon, the first 20 years of my life will be filled with blank memories in the spaces where you use to be. I'm leaving you. For the worst or for the better, it's a matter of perspective. The bruises and scars you leave on me can't even be compared to the tormenting trauma you have left me with.

i've always wished my life could be a bit more spontaneous, a bit more adventurous, a bit more interesting, a bit more impulsive. I wish one time when i'm drowning in my problems and sadness, someone would run over to my house. As i open the door i see them out of breath, puffing, giving me a sense of importance and significance, being prioritised. He grabs me by the hands, pulls me out my door and i run with them. Not a single worry in the world, we are lost in one of our own. It doesn't matter where we go, where we end up, as long as i'm with them. We can elope together. It'd be nice to have someone who would drop everything behind them and run away with you, escape with you, just the two of us. Living a life of our own, one that we chose for ourself not ones that our family, our past or society chooses for us, but one where we live for ourselves striving for eternal happiness.

I cant tell whether i truly like you or i just needed someone. I'm just so sick and tired of having all these minor problems with half the things you do. I try to stop myself but i can't, i just get annoyed anyway. I mean what happened to us ? The days where we'd stay up late to talk to one another, the times where you'd want me to come see you without me making it obvious, i mean it's like you don't even care. Always telling me you're going to go off at this certain time, is that our new thing now ? Stating the time we'll be heading off just in case we stay up late. We only did it a few times for necessary situations and now you're telling me we always do it. You haven't been video calling or wc for a few nights too, what do you know ? Maybe in a few days you'll say that's fine, its normal, we always don't do that anyway. And as for the times i come to see you, it always during school lunch or after school when you finish early on a school day, why dont we ever have a legitimate date or something ? oh wait, you're always too busy all the other times, so i have to come see you whenever you have free time during school days and that happens to be enough for us. And telling me you'll leave early while hanging out with me, i don't even know where to begin, how's a girl suppose to feel. Yes im suppose to be understanding but fuck that. Aint nobody got time for that. i dont even know why im writing so much, i felt an adrenalin rush of anger. okay, i'm good now, at least i have a place where i can tell everything to. bye.

The longer we remain in a relationship, the more i start to worry. Day by day, the more i start to fall in love with you. I'm really scared that i'll fall too deep, become too dependent on you and if it comes a day we part, i would not know what to do without you. I'm having this inner conflict with myself whether i should continue to let myself fall or withdraw myself completely and end it now when it doesn't hurt as much. Today, spending time with you i've realised how madly in love i am, there are moments that i was sad, it wasn't you, it was the thought that the happiness i was experiencing may one day turn into memories along with you. I'm afraid of losing you, i kept hugging you today because fear dominated my entire body, physically and emotionally, i never wanted to let go. I can spend my whole life just hugging you or just keeping you close by my side. Please, please don't ever leave me. Stay. Because i need you,

Gone in September - Mike Posner.

But you made me wait a week

Just to kiss you on your cheek

Now it's breaking my heart to break yours

I said I loved you in the summer

But will I love you in the fall?

I thought I wasn't like the others

Guess, I'm an asshole after all

these job interviews are more complicated than relationships with guys. its like i want to go to this interview but i wont make it to this other one, but then i actually have a different job. omg im cheating on all my jobs HAHAHAHAH sluzza right here.

too much feelings, too much emotions, too much worrying, too much jealousy, too much overthinking. I miss the time when i was a heartless fuck. omg this is stressing me out more than the HSC.

thats exactly what i meant by why we wont last, i bottle up shit, no ones gonna tell you exactly what they're upset about cos they're going to seem like a ungrateful cunt. im angry. very angry at you, you dont even know how angry i am. and i dont want to talk about it cos it piss me off even more. gosh. go away.

happy fucking birthday to my besterest best friend KEUNG LEE. TODAY IS HIS 18th BIRTHDAY ! all grown up now, as old as me. I hope he will forever be happy and never be sad and hope he has the time of his life today with le gf. Omg, miss talking to him every night and all the best in life ! if we meet again in the future i hope we'd be 10evas bestfriend HAHHA done with the good stuff, here comes the bad. i don't believe in anything good, happiness and love, not exactly sure if those two things line up but idgaf. It is momentary, it's not going to last. I dont believe there is a future for us, i just dont see it i'm sorry. but at the moment, you are everything i have and everything that i dont want to lose. Shahid, i love you.

when i first met you, i never knew you would mean this much to me. Fate really did it's job right huh? If we never met then where would be now ? I'm so glad to have you in my life. There isn't much i can ask for, you make me feel like anything is possible. LOL jks. I meant most of it, some of it was just pure bullshit. HAHAHAH but just know that i really love you, please dont ever hurt me. I've taken my chance and betting on it with all i have. Please dont let me lose again, this time, i wont be able to recover. i feel that this is getting too cheesy. we'll just stop here.. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

ohhh Aderson is the biggest sweet heart i know, so he is like seeing this girl Kerrie and they are like adorable. omg i sound extremely blonde in that first sentence. well anywho, they went on their first date and he made a vlog with her on that date. he plan to upload it when they decide to date. I mean, HOW CUTE IS THAT, a guy that signifies the importance of the first date and made a video about it. You guys are lucky to have each other, all the best you love birds.

since i have shown you two my blog, i feel that you guys wont have the interest in coming back for a second visit. thus i feel more comfortable to put this back on public. i dont know if you have noticed, but i fail so seek security from love. I dont believe in love. I have most definitely lost my trust with it. The insecurity i feel overwhelms me sometimes and the fact that you are one of those guys that a lot of girls like just simply glosses over the fact that i dont feel like i can trust you yet, i've built walls around myself and it tends to scare me that you'll probably give up on breaking through them. Not only that, i feel insecure to those that you have so called " were interested in " or " dated " in the past, every single one of them are pretty and im just sitting here, listening to you talk about how hot they are. I dont know about you, but to me i kind of feel like that was a self esteem attack, you made me feel as though im nothing compared to them, one thing you shouldnt do is talk about other girls that you were interested in to me, but its another thing to talk about how hot they are cos that just brings it to a whole new level. i dont know if im annoyed or just simply fucking sad that im sorry i cant be that great, if you dont accept who i am then just give up on me, i dont want to fall deep enough so that when we part i will be tearing myself up all over again. got it ? adios bitches.

In exactly 1 month 24 days i will be able to live my new life. Far far away where no one knows me, no one knows my past. I start fresh with a new beginning, fix all the mistakes i've ever made and forget all the things that have ever made me sad. New memories will be made and i will be sure to forget everyone i use to know. Do know that deep down inside, those that really mattered will still be in there somewhere, i hope. lulz. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee guyysssssssssssssssssss.

deleted the recent posts because i have contradicted myself big time. I really hate myself for liking someone i have no chance with. Its so stupid because i know im suppose to stop talking to him like this, but i cant. When you guys ask me whats wrong, nothing. Nothings wrong, just sitting here wishing you knew how i felt and that you'd like me back. lol. sad lyf or what guiseeeee?

i like to sit here all day waiting for you to talk to me and then slowly realise that its never going to happen because its one sided and then i like to dwell on the fact for hours and listen to depressing music and torture the shits out of myself until i feel a droplet running down my cheeks. Doing all this because i can, yolo.

Speaking of meeting new people, had a dinner last night which i got to know some year 11s some more, there's this one guy with a mesmerising smile. No i dont have a thing for him, i just kinda wish i had a smile like that D: Im not even weird and creepy. But he's half chinese half pakistan, sooo if i want sexy babies does that mean i should go marry a Pakistan :$

Thanks for you all the birthday wishes. I took the time and effort to reply to every single one of you. I KNEW MY BESTFRIEND WOULD GET MY A STRAWBERRY PLANT ! I know him THAT well HAHA...... I tried. I really tried to see the positive things in life but its so hard. Life sucks for everyone. Not every one can be perfect and it sucks to see couples fight, especially when my bestfriend cries. Why is her boyfriend such a dick. Never consider her feelings and thoughts, she is always the one saying sorry, well im one to be talking because i use to be a dickhead as well. Stay strong buddy. Life is so shit at the moment i dont even know what to say about it. It sucks balls and theres not many people i can really talk about it to. I just want to write all my feelings on a note, bottle it up and throw it in a ocean so it flows far far away along with strong tides, sadness leaving me once and forever more.

not blogging as often because i have a life. LOL that is not true. I like to contradict myself a lot. oh wow, i realised how sad i am after peter's, anna was like my psychologist or something, i can tell you now, she has the potential to become a professional one. HAHA im sure that i dont like vanny anymore, i just let it get to me because im those people who want to dwell on all the bad things in life so that i can feel sympathy for myself when in actual fact i'm perfectly fine. I dont like anyone and i dont want to like anyone. I no longer want to be in a relationship nor do i want anything intimate although i do welcome new friends, please new friends, come into my life and make it more vibrant.

Once again, a boring post. Nothing BIG happened, been texting all day errday, i feel like my next bill will be $500++ or something, but screw it. Im having fun texting all of them. It's weird how i think i'm falling for someones personality, its so not me, not the way i roll. Fallen for someone before i met them, is this normal? Well well, the other one is just spamming my phone with his photos, he is definitely in love with himself, i guess thats what being tumblr famous does to you. life, why are you so fucked up.

Love is all fun and games, dont hate the player, hate the game. You dont have enough skills, you get hurt. Thats the way. I like it how it is now, all for fun, nothing serious, no hard feelings. I never ever want to be in a relationship ever. That type of bullshit is over and done with. It was my fault for forgetting to update my fairytale, prince charming aint gon come if you just sit on your fatass waiting for that shit to happen.

Im so awkward, sometimes its not even funny. I'm just gonna give up in trying to like somebody, its tough man. Got to deal with the fact that they might not like you back or they may be interested in 20 other girls. Im done. Fight, fight my ass. Im so tired of this shit. If you want me in your life then show me it, if not, dont be afraid to tell me so. Anywho, Vedulka Wichta sang Blackbird by the Beatles and it is definitely mesmerising.

If you are reading this, you are probably wondering what problems i have to brag about. No, nothing much has happened in my life. I'm doing the usual, surviving and that. Yes i survived without him. Im not doing that bad actually. Im interested in someone, someone is interested as well, just living the normal life. Nothing to be excited about, nothing to regret about. Actually i do look forward to meeting new people, having new people in my life to share my experiences with. Well i bought my formal dress yesterday. A white dress, yes, the colour that i always wanted. But a shame is that now i have no formal date. But its okay, i wont die just because i dont have one. All good. Just chillin', killin', drug dealin', well im not actually doing those things, just tryna rhyme mate.

You finally did it. You broke it off. at 3pm today, i was extremely tired and fell asleep on my bed only to have woken up to see a devastating text. You said you're sorry for leading me on, dont tell me sorry cos you're not.You were in it for the benefits, out of it now because it got boring, i know your game play too well. But my defence was shit, got penetrated and you scored. I lost. This is my fault not yours. Its always my fault. Im not good enough for you. At least this time i was proud to say that i did nothing wrong, I WILL NEVER EVER EVER GET BACK with you, not even in my next few lives. You took me for granted, you dont deserve me. You broke it off right before our one month and during my trials. You're so selfish. You only thought for yourself. I tolerated every single thing about you and i've ended up here. God have mercy that you will live a long and good life, long enough to see me do better than you. Know that, i will always see your family as one of the kindest i've been with as i would know growing up as a kid in a dysfunctional family. You and your family was the one who made me feel like i had someone, you are the one who took it all away from me. Vanny, a name so daunting that i never want to hear it again.

Dont text and drive EVER. I will kill you if anything happens to you.

Oh i see you love emma, dont mind if i cut the bitch. - overly attached girlfriend.

So like, i've always had this problem about you saying i love you to your bestfriend, now your publicising it on your facebook. Thats cool too. Not like i have feelings or anything. I would love to take revenge and all but i've learnt from my past. It is when i am given the opportunity to get back at you and i dont take it, i will then be able to truly say i am moving on. Im slowly letting go of the one that i once "thought" i "loved". YOLO bro, ill tolerate this shit until you dump me, Im not going to do the breaking up because i dont want to feel bad about it AGAIN. I've already made the same mistake twice by dating you again, i dont want to make another mistake by ending it. LALALALALA i feel so fucked up right now. I was really sad when i first saw it, now im just like meh...

BEST THINK I NEVER HAD - BEYONCE

There was a time

I thought, that you did everything right

No lies, no wrong

Boy I must've been out of my mind

So when I think of the time that I almost loved you

You showed your ass and I, I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it

I thank God I dodged the bullet

I'm so over you

So baby good lookin' out

I wanted you bad

I'm so through with that

Cause honestly you turned out to be the (best thing I never had)

You turned out to be the (best thing I never had)

And I'm gonna' always be the (best thing you never had)

Oh yeah, I bet it sucks to be you right now

I've come to realise, i lost a lot of my close friends. And half the time, i dont even know what i did wrong. But really in this past year, a lot of shit has happened and yes people change and so i did. But looking back, if i could choose between friends or vanny. I would have picked friends, they'd be by your side, through thick and thin, i miss them all. Only to figure that i gave it all up for a player.

Not bad guys, stalking from my tumblr onto my blogspot. 60 page views last night. I told you, you'd regret coming on here. There is NOTHING interesting. I'm just a depressed little fuck who doesnt want to post it on tumblr to annoy the fuck out of all my followers. Now shall i proceed to continue with my depressing experiences. I texted him in regards to next wedesday. Of course he knows what next wednesday is ! ITS COLIN'S BIRTHDAY !!! omg, cant wait to say happy birthday to him aye.... farrr he has some pretty good memory to remember that! I dont even know why im tolerating this. One is falling deeply in love, the other, well, is falling out of love.

I am sorry i'm a cheater. I lie and i cheat. I'm sorry. Forgive me...

Bought him some sweater today. Yeah, wtf was i thinking. Oh well. Gonna be our one month present if he hasnt already dumped me by then. Next wednesday is the day, prepare myself to get torn down. In every single way. fml.

this post can go on forever if i wanted it to. im so tired. tired of you and everything. i take long walks by myself and getting awfully depressed everytime. my raw emotions are hard to control. you tear me up every time i see your face. i've cried heaps when i realised you dont remember what next wednesday is. Our 1 month maybe ? I dont know, you can go for days or weeks without talking to me only realising that im dying to talk to you or see you everyday. I miss you more by the second, and as for you, its always friends and family before girlfriend. Lets say if i was to fall in the ocean with your family and friends, you'd probably save everyone else first and by the time you get to me, you've already forgotten that im still drowning. its tiring, working myself up for someone like you. What if i told you, good job, i havent been able to focus on my education because of the mental torturing you put me through, i jeopardised my hsc because of you, and you wouldnt give 10 shits. im only one the many girls that you like. who am i kidding. im linda tieu. Im not good enough for you. Not pretty enough, not good at having conversations, not good at flirting, not good at keeping you entertained. Im sorry for that. Im sorry for bothering you all the time. Im sorry that i havent realised that you dont actually care. Why dont you just let me go ? Let me live my life without you like i did for the past year. I hate you so much.

All By Myself - Celine Dion

Please, i dont want you to be my '500 Days Of Summer'...

"everyone deserves happiness" Can we have an exception here? Me. I dont deserve it, i dont even deserve to live.

you make me feel worthless in so many possible ways that you should get an award for it. tell me when was the last time YOU wanted to hang ? its always me asking, and you're always just out and about or you'll be busy with SOMETHING. Dont tell me im clingy because im not, i've did all that i can to respect your personal space but you took it for granted. Im so sick of being your last choice. And you never showed that you cared. Am i just a hooker with a girlfriend title, or am i just your toy? You dont give a crap about me, you just dont want to be alone.You figured you could just toy with me until you find someone better. I see your plan, great plan. Im not going to say no to it. Because that'd just show, you just werent worth it. Neither was i. I took the risk, made my bets, lost it all, now im back where i started. took me 1 year to forget you, and you refreshed my page instantly, thankyou, thankyou for all the memories and tears you remind me of.

im going crazy. 9/14 signs that he just isnt that into you. 9 ! more than 50% of your actions tell me you dont like me. why did you ask me out? did you only ask because you needed a girlfriend ? i think so. While im here tearing myself into pieces while i overthink, you probably dont give 10 shits. You skipped many steps. You told me you want to go slow, then we do all those things at your place. You are a liar and a cheater. Why do i always fall for this act. You'd tell me that you call, then i never hear from you. You put little effort into planning whered we go for a date then you cancel last minute, you take long to reply most of my messages, you always get a little pushy into getting physical intimacy. Who am i to complain, i promised myself to tolerate anything from you because this is MY second chance, ill take a shot and hope for the best. But from my own interpretations, relationships arent suppose to be like this, im so tired of being the only trying, you never have time for me, you only have time for your family and friends and you have time for me when you want sexual intimacy, relationships shouldnt be me crying myself to bed because i have so much doubts because you NEVER reassure me of anything, to be honest i feel like i am one of your many girls, rather than your girl. Im not saying im a keeper, im just saying i want more than just lust, i want love.

I hate my doubts, i hate my contradictions, i hate myself. I dont want to live in a life full of lies. Im so tired of the constant worrying of which girl you are with. Im tired of fighting for your attention. I want to just fall asleep forever. Just break up with me and let me deal with it.

hmm, another thing is. I found that i really care for you. As a friend. I use to think i started to hate meah riano because you liked her. I found myself to hate her even more for leaving you and leading you on. I hate her for breaking your heart. I hate her for being so easy with every single guy she talks to. I knew you were going to get hurt from the smiles you shared with her in your photos. She must have meant heaps man. But dont worry buddy, be strong. the right girl will come along and i'll tell you right now that girl isnt me. Us getting back is a mistake. Forget all those that came into your life and left. She was a tramp, so am i.

I realise i no longer like you that much. I have established that the only reason why my mood still change because of what you do is because of my pride. Because you are my boyfriend, i automatically think i claimed you, you are mines and noone else's thus i expect your commitment and effort towards our relationship. But we all know what type of person you are. Shall i go back to my initial suggestion ? We can be just friends with benefits, no commitments, no effort, no more worrying and no jealousy. Because since the start, that was how you saw us ; no strings attached.

I want to be a bodybuilder, not like the FULL ON HARD OUT body builders, just average ones. So my body isnt so bad. Writing today because i need to let myself remember everything that happened in case i forget over time. I went to his place, once again we done those things, yes i feel like our relationship becomes stronger when we do that but then when you tell me to come over today and i didnt, i felt like i was pushed away. As though i am a toy, to be precise a sex toy. I feel so shit right now that i dont even know how to describe it. Yes you might not like me, you might be toying with me. But im doing the same thing to myself, i just dont feel like i'll fall that hard for you. When you said you will get me whipped again, i know i know, you just like the feeling of having girls being head over heels for you. And i told you i wont fall for it this time. Im glad i cried on the spot, let out my emotions before they eat me up. I wont allow myself to become too attached, i dont want to fuck my life all over AGAIN. Please, dont fuck around. You're just lucky i havent killed you yet, im not lying when i say i actually have mental problems, hurt me again and i promise you and myself that i will make your life a living hell.

I just realised that my blog is highly based on my love life. this is why my blog hasnt been updated. I wouldnt say it is stabilised, but on the other hand, nothing much can happen. this time i dug my own grave quite early. I let myself fall to deep because i use to have a thing for you. I dont even hold back this time because i know for the past year, there wasnt a single day that i didnt think of you. and guess what ? we finally meet again. the quote " if it was meant to be, it will be " had play its role. we are together once again, i dont know if i should be happy because this is just maybe a bit too good to be true. what the actual fuck. the past whole year, being sad, depressed, eating my feelings away, crying the nights away, stalking you here and there on social networks, getting excited on sundays to ball with you and now, look where we are. i dont believe it. i am your girlfriend since the 22nd of July 2012.... oh my god. At first, i was scared, not that im not scared anymore, i just dont have a reason to restrain myself, you either go hard or you go home, give it your all or give up. Its one or the other. Its HSC, i wont let myself fuck up, but i cant guarantee that, you hold the key to my success. Im counting on you this time, please, please dont let me down.

Annie asked me, what if the things you said to me was from the heart? I'd punch myself in the face if it was. I keep having this glimpse of hope somewhere deep inside,hoping it was for real. I know though, its all a lie, the exact reason why i didnt kiss you. you lay there right next to me, one hand holding me tightly towards you, the other holding my hand and the you repeatedly whisper the words " i wont let you go this time ".. You got me at those words, they come back to haunt me every now and then. "this time" ? dont make me think that we can have a second try because i dont want it. Dont give me hope, dont lift me up and tear me down. Collin said i've made bad decisions, but really, have i? If i did, wouldnt i havent given you a chance to hurt me right on the spot. He said he loved you dearly as a brother but that he'd recommend for me to not go for assholes. He said he only knows that after that night you spent with me, you spent the next with another girl. Telling me something i already knew. lol

dream come true ? i dont think so. I gain someone, i lose others. Life is never fair, i realised that a while back. If this happen maybe during april then maybe i might think this is a dream come true, but for now, it doesnt excite me as much. I was more bothered by the fact that i lost keung as a best friend. But thats fine too. I spent my whole day with you, on high profile, you didnt give ten shits about what others had to say, you hanged with me. Im flattered. But you know no longer hold my heart. I know you dont take it seriously thats why neither would i. You are seeing meah, texting jenny a, liking Krystal's photos and cuddling me. Im not going to fall for this one this time haha. i know exactly what your game plan is and i know how to set up my defence. asking me to formal ? i think its all a joke, you'll probably forget about this the next morning, it utters insignificance. mcmouny walked in on us cuddling, you felt guilty, so did i. i lost two of my close friends in one night, all for something that i actually gain... two friends for one day of dreams, i'd say its not worth it. and telling me that this stays between us, that phrase ALWAYS turn me off, you have something to hide buddy ? you ashame of what yoou said to me ? then dont say it to me. FOOL ! never tell me not to tell anyone about this because you know what, chances are, people wouldnt even care.

im so done with trying. i hate it. i hate you. i hate everyone. why the fuck are you guys so insincere. i do all the best that i could when my bestfriends need me but in return, NOONE is there for me, nowhere to be found. Its always boyfriend/girlfriend over bestfriend, then tell me why? why exactly are bestfriends the one who is there for them every time instead ? Its stupid because after a while they wont remember anything you've done for them and just ditch you. Keung disappointed me. He was the least expected person to dog the reunion. But he told me he didnt want to go out of his own will. Lost hope in humanity. There is no point in being friends with someone who doesnt care. This is stupid. Bestfriend is just a saying. fuck you all.

i am on the tip of doing something really stupid. i knew he would have liked me again after what happened. and i didnt stop him. it is my fault. i dont know what to say. im not good with these things. how to reject people is not my thing, i cant even say no to people handing out flyers... fuck it. i remember confessing to someone and them saying no to me. straight to the heart even though i tried to act as cool as i can. I had noone to talk about it to, so i spoke to him about him. i would allow that to happen for mcmouny if he was able to distinguish between the care i am giving. i find the word friendzone deaming, and i dont like the use of it in its context. i want to truly and sincerely just listen to everything he has to say and knowing that he isnt the one for me. he wavered because we got close that night, he said he is moving on but it isnt true. i say that i am moving on, and then on that very night, me and vanny spent time together, doing intimate things, yet i did not hesitate to say i dont like him. that is the moment when you truly know you are able to move on. I honestly cant see my future with anyone right now. But for the time being, to keep myself occupied, lets just say i think i like todd. and let that be it. i dont want any hassle and trouble any gossip, i just want myself to know, i cant please everyone, and dont you, linda, ever consider giving up your happiness to satisfy others because in return, you will feel guilt of your own. Remember that feeling ? im sure you do. Where you were disgusted by everything you've done. Yes. Dont go back there.

I personally thing that i get waaayyy too attached too easily, is it because i've felt alone for too long ? So that lust plays its part as well? I dont know. But what i do know is that the people i want surely dont want me. And the people that wants me, im sorry that i can not return my love. This is all my fault. I give you guys hope so that i can crush you. Im sorry for falling for dickheads, jerks that probably doesnt know i exist. I think its now more than a crush, and its going to hurt me. I see it already but i cant stop it. Woman's logic, goes for someone thats going to break your heart because you can. LOL oh gawwwd. why. come on, some korean drama shit plot please happen on me ! Let me go through something extreme and then give me my well deserved happiness. My fragile heart has been done so wrong, i wonder if i will ever heal again...... happiness will find me, leave my past behind me, today my life begins

I couldnt resist. I was dying to talk to you. In which i gave in and started the convo. I am so disappointed in myself.

dafuqq did i just hear ? "i just want to say, i miss you ..." Which asshole gave you that dare. Ruined my whole day.

Killing Me Softly - The Fugees

Why do i still find myself looking for you, staring at you and just watching over your every move. It still affects me. Too many memories, too much feelings. I said i'd never let you go, and i never did.

I can't make you love me - Gabe

LOL trolled errbody. I like no one and i have a crush on no one. It was all full of shit. I will live by the fact that i will die alone with 72 cats. Because you know, im forever alone like that. This is due to the fact every time i think i like someone, it always goes the other way...

Bottom Dollar - D.Pryde

Holy shit ! I think i like someone. This is so weird. But its more of a crush than a like but still, doesnt mattter, it still means i want to get with that person :$ But i cant. situation doesnt allow for it to happen. thus i will just give it up.

More Than A Friend - Stevie Hoang

My body is with vanny, my heart is with ______ and my mind is with todd. fuck my life yo.

Meet Me Halfway - Tim Benson

I will do this in a very subtle way that you wont even realise. I will slowly part from you. The further i drift the better it will be, less problems and all. This is the reason why i never talk to you anymore. I like it like this because i can learn to move on from people that i use to think i can tell everything too. This way, i can get use to it so i wont ever get hurt. I'd like to be all by myself now, independence is my aim, 'friends and best friends' is only a title that is temporary.

I'm Gone - Jay Sean

People keep mentioning about you lately, it hurts, really hurts. I cant believe i actually thought about marrying you. When i was laying in your bed right beside you, that is essentially when i felt the safest, warmest and most loved. You gave me all that you could, but i fucked it all up. Imagine the many things we could have done if 1 year ago today i didnt fuck up.

I Love You - Chrishan

I just realised, yes i might go for looks, but i fall in love with personality and that shit is hard to fall out of.

It's Not Just You - Narsi

I knew you would have left. No one ever stays.

4th of May 2012 – I will always be here for you, as a shoulder to lean on, it’s your choice to be my friend or not but I would really like to be yours, don’t feel down express your thoughts even though it may not be nice, YOU HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS TO SUPPORT YOU, Linda Tieu is sentenced to 5 free hugs of her choice of when, where, and by who { Linda Tieu is sentenced to 3 free Captain ArrTard points (NOTHING GAY COME ON)

My Last Serenade - Joey Moe

Im dying inside, bits by bits im falling apart. I thought it was our 'friends' thing to keep our dp. you changed, literally dp and person. you're not who i use to know, it was a mistake from the start. Dont know why i should be affected by it, you saw my phone, you know what i go through because of you, the kind of things i do to myself , its unimaginable. I live in a whole new world of my own, trust no one, never open up because those that you open up to are the ones that will make you seem your weakest and most vulnerable. I was crushed many times before, but this one took its biggest impact. I'm on the floor wondering why i gave people the chance to do this to me.

Hurt - Christina Aguilera

I'm not dumb, i know how you feel. And the only reason i havent said no to you yet is because i dont like to hurt my close friends, i dont like the awkward tension, i simply didnt want to end our friendship. The reason why my blog says hopeless is because love has failed me one too many times, i can't afford to make another bet on it. I think i know what you want to talk about, but it's not what i want to hear, i already know i will be unfaithful to something i dont want. I would know because it happened once. The feeling is dreadful when i know i dont love the person anymore but i am still with them. I was going to ask you once, only because i had a motive, i had something worth fighting for, a everlasting friendship that i would sacrifice anything for. But that no longer exists, i just cant do it, i cant say yes, i dont want to hurt anyone. I'm still waiting for someone, someone to turn back to me. Let's say, if it was meant to be, it will be.

Unfaithful - Rihanna

My insanity has hit rock bottom. I sit here crying and laughing. My whole body is shaking, i'm holding a clenched fist. I cant control myself. I cant stop. I want to scream but nothing is coming out. I'll only do it enough so that i can feel the pain but not enough to kill me. Should i just shut the fuck up from now on? I talk to much, cause to much unintended problems, offend people unintentionally, i dont want this to happen any more. One too many has left me. I can't do this much longer.

Be Careful - Jason Derulo

You have wayyy too many PMS days, and as a bestfriend, i am suppose to tolerate, but i've been having a bad week too. All i wanted to do was to try to cheer you up. Just trying to help mate. Dont have to give me attitude and all. This is like the 4th time or something, AND EVERY SINGLE TIME i try my hardest to make you happy even when i cope the biggest shits from you, i let it go. Aint happening this time. I thought friends was suppose to be there to listen and help you through things, not there for you to take out your mood swings on. Have you ever thought of how cut as a friend i would be. Oh geees. And great, now i feel guilty for it. You're good. I feel guilty for something i didnt do. ASDFGHJKLSSHDAGD !

Tender Love - Mishon

I'll let it go. Let everything go. If anything was meant to be, it will come into my life. I will wait patiently for the one who was meant to be. Maybe, just maybe, one day he will turn up out of the blue and save me from everything. The sun will always rise, the world will move on, miracles still happen. I'm just waiting for mine.

My Kind of Perfect | David Archuleta

after all that time, me just being there. once that person appears, you just toss me away just like that. i know i am in no position to say anything. At least let me know the real reason why you did it. " Maybe its in use" Just happen to tell me because you cant hide it anymore. Am i that easy to replace. Maybe i just am. Easily forgotten, easily tread on, easily lost.

Gone In September - Mike Posner

its been exactly one year, yet i'm still standing at the same place. When? Just when am i going to move on.

Stevie Hoang - Worth The Wait.

MADE ME LOOOL SO HARD !

Too hard to understand whats going on in some people's mind. And one thing thats been getting on my nerves lately is this girl from my school who cant let my bestfriend be. Exposing all my friends secrets to every living thing on this planet and then convincing my friends bf to dump her( and it aint the first time ). Funny thing is she doesnt understand that my friends bf is bitching about her to my friend BIG TIME, seriously why make a fool out of yourself. You think exposing her secrets will destroy her ? You're wrong, you only make people come to the realisation of you being a betrayer. Dont know if you notice but everyone is talking shit about you instead of my best friend. LOOOL ! Karma perhaps ? And how about stop being away on exam days ? Think everyone kinda got that all figured out. Being away is fine cos not like anyone cares, but asking for the answers and shit afterwards and then acting like a big boss " oh you dont know how to do that question ? it's so simple !" yet you havent even done the exam. Wonder how you knew........

Haters Gonna Hate - Tonite Only

I dont know how to help when you are angry. im not a good friend, thats one thing for sure. you know how you mentioned about me not doing the deal, yeah im not doing it anymore because i realised how its not worth it anymore, i built up courage through the thought of willing to do anything for you, yet knowing that you wont know the truth behind everything just kills. it's not how you think everything else, it's wayyyy off to what you assume, but i can assure you one thing, i'm not going to do anything that will make me unhappy anymore. dont even know why i try so hard to keep you happy..

PayPhone - Maroon 5 ft Wiz Khalifa

Studies show when you are in love you lose two of your close friends. Dude what did i say man ? Fucking saw this coming LMAO ! Im kind of really happy and really frustrated. Happy for you guys and kind of annoyed when you both told me i was going to be wrong :L but its all good man. in no time, i will find another best friend just like that, cos thats how i roll bitches HAHAH jokings, congrats to zee sunny and zee keung ;) Whens the wedding aye HAHA come on, at your wedding you have to play the song " cant stop love - darin" its like the bestttttt. Well, all the best guys ;D

Reflection - J Beale

WOOT WOOT about time he asks her out ! it was pissing me off how he took forever ! :L Yes everyone is getting together, and here i am still forever alone ! And then realising how much i still love someone, i would just sit somewhere and gaze at him all day errday as creepy as it sounds :L memories come back when i see your face.

Wont Let You Go - Cristian Alexanda

hahahaha, i should just drop out of school. fuck school, fuck life , fuck uni, fuck hsc, fuck everyone. im too embarrassed to go school. i cant face up to everyone, i cant look at anyone the same. stupid stupid linda. trollolol. school is a place to remind me of all my past mistakes and yet keep making them. dude im a toy yo, im a toy admit it ! Jenny you are right about everything, you're more experienced, you would know ... gabba gabba mabba bobba tubba yala.

One Wish - Ray J

I cant do what i dont want to do. Precisely true but i'll fight myself for everyone's sake. I can do it, do it for myself, for you, for her, for him, for everyone. Last time that i will be able to cry about this. Jenny, bear with me, you're the only one that knows. Knows how hard this will be for me. To do something that may perhaps hide my true self forever. Faking someone i'm not. Faking smiles, faking laughter, just for maintaining peace and reputation for someone. I WILL DO IT HHAHAHAHAH NEVER KNOW MIGHT TURNS OUT GREAT, MIGHT NOT BE ALONE AGAIN :O ASHDUIKHCBIUBCMSAUBJ IWBVFGCK NOT GOING CRAZY AT ALLL ;) RIGHTIOOOOO, AWAY WITH THE UNICORNSSSSSSSSSSS TO FAR FAR AWAY LAND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPPEEEEE.

If You Wanna Leave - Mathew Kurz

Can't think of one good reason why not ? I''ll give you one good question. Is this what you truly want?

Like the picture i posted had said. I wanted to be remembered as the girl who always smiled. The one who could always brighten your day even if she couldn't brighten her own. I want to live by this motto through life. My guide and my way to live. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble and misunderstandings. But its all good now, i will ask someone out and you will too. Problem solved. We both get with the person we like, and still be bestfriends. No more misunderstanding and wrong thoughts. Now we can go on double dates HAHA

Frank Ocean - Day Away

HAHAH omg, best friend came up to me today and told me my blog is full scary cause it's so depressing. Calm down, im not that emo yet :) Had a volley game against a school with 2 tall rep players, and we won. Mad bro ? LOL ! Just putting out there, either you care or not, this is a blog where i express what i truly feel as i am not able to express myself to my friends, not even to my bestfriend, so everything i need to rant about, be sad about, its the whole package, its here man. I love my bestfriends, and thats about it. Nothing else, noone else. Thankyou for being there for me. Oh jenny you make me laugh, who hides in a wardrobe for 6 hours because they didnt come school and was scared your parents would find out :L And keung, you're just a nigga g. no racial :) Ship you back to Cambodia HAHA !

If You Were Mine - Marcos Hernandez

i wish i had someone to be there for me through everything, i had someone, but things changed. my bestfriend started liking someone, lost his companion. i kind of miss how i can tell him everything and that he would actually care. nowadays its just all jokes, insults and teasing in a harmless way, and just acting comfortable with each other. i can't even tell him my problems anymore which sucks, because i knew even if i told him, he probably wouldnt even care. that's life. i can feel it, we're drifting, im losing a bestfriend.

What I Use To Know - Unknown

my friends dont understand why i'm doing this, but i'll do anything for you. sacrificing my own happiness to suffer. because that way, i will slowly forget, let it drift and just move on. it hurts everytime i see it or hear about it. our friendship was too good to be true. im scared, scared of falling to deep in our friendship and that when i am replaced, i will relive my traumas all over again. because yet til today, there hasnt been one time that i was not replaced by a new, much more exciting, interesting bubbly person.

Gio - Every Breath

I thought a rejection was hard, then knowing exactly who has replaced me was just ... owned. I couldn't do anything but have a mental break down, just this time i dont have you to listen to me, lend me a shoulder. I'm so glad i have a awesome bestfriend who is there for me through everything, through those tears and laughter, thanks for being there. If it wasnt for you, i have no idea how i would have dealt with it. And for offering to take me to go eat moochi, farrr you're the best. It's so hard to move on when i know there's so much of the past that i have to let go off.

Without You - 1TYM

i hate everyone and everything. They're all lies. Nothing stays forever, no friendship is real. i've learnt to trust no one, because the more you open up your heart, the more you'll get hurt. i hate it when things drift, its like all of a sudden what happened ? did they just decided not to try anymore. but nevertheless, it always happens to me so i guess i am use to it. It will only hurt for a couple days, and then i'll begin to lose more hope in love within humanity.

Drivin' Myself Insane - Martin Kember

LOL so forever alone lately. This is sad. why cant there be someone that likes me, or likes me enough to confess. it'd be nice to have a sensitive guy who opens his heart to you while looking like nothings affecting them, that'd be nice. But there's so such guys these days that are so uptight about their pride and wouldnt share much of what they think or feel. calm down, wont kill you if you loosen up a little and let a few people into your heart. guys thats willing to take a risk for you is attractive. Gona stop talking to certain people, and resume my life back to when i had only one bestfriend. less hassle, less misunderstandings.

Lottery - Stevie Hoang

Can't believe i thought there was a chance. Life was never this nice to me. I'll just keep my head down and stop expecting.

Hopeless - Sam Hook

I'm so stupid, thinking that i actually meant something because of the things we do. i look and feel so stupid, you only did that out of sympathy. For actually thinking i meant something more, i was wrong. I found out some things today, didnt kill me, but it did hurt. You lied to me, you do like her. why? why bother talking to someone who probably isnt going to mean anything much to you ? Just a friend. It's not this hasnt happened to me before, just having a hard time getting over a relationship i was never in. Enough said about you. I dreamt about Bananas last night, good stuff. For those who dont know, bananas is a code name that me and my friends use to call this guy i use to like. But maddd dream, good stuff.

Something Stupid - Shawn Deeman

Take me somewhere far far away, forget the world and my troubles. Nothing but only us exist, just us two. Ease my pain, give me happiness forever more.

Come With Me - Sammie

I dont like the situation im in, i cant say no and i cant say yes. I cant allow it to happen because i have yet to forget V. Did this activity at UTS workshop and we had to write someone that changed us in a positive way, shockingly i wrote " good friend, paul truong " LMAOOO good joke :L yeah wow, i realise i dont have much close friends at all :( how sad is that...

The A Team - Ed Sheeran.

NO MORE REMINISCING ! haha, i always say that. but nah seriously, i got to stop. Or this shit is gonna keep dragging me down and holding me back. You were at one point my everything, my best friend and my lover. And this aint no 2011 no more. Fuck everything. Live young die hard. After this year, i have no idea if i will ever even get the chance to see you again, we will end up in our separate ways in life, the only thing that will be increasing is the distance between us. As we drift further and further. Ever wonder where you would be in 5 years time ? That thought scares me every time. I'm sorry for the time that i broke it off with my immature and childish actions.

Never Meant To Break Your Heart - Ramzi

YES netball season again !!! ANZ championships now, hmm all my favourite players had traded teams, so i have no idea which team to go for. Well you know what else sucks ? Even netball, my favourite sport that supposedly has nothing to do with you had eventually made me recall a memory that i have shared with you. Remember last year for open netball, i trained really hard for it. Every morning i get to school at around 7:50 to practice shooting. You know, the way you get people disappointed and then surprising them is really attractive. I fell in love with you for all sorts of reason, only because when you are sincere you are able to let others feel your love. The winter mornings where you would just suddenly turn up and just shoot around with me, defend me, tease me about how shit i really am. Oh the days have past. Now all i have are just these shuttered memories. May these memories sink to the bottom.

Bottom - J.Blue

LOL i just read over this and fixed up all my grammatical errors. Far im stupid.

Im living in the past. That is the only place where i feel alive once again. I remember every single thing in detail from that time i was with you, the feeling of my jumper, the feeling of your bed, the feeling of your everything. One song can bring it all back. ooft cuzz, this is crazy. for a second there, i thought i was back in march of 2011, when i was in love. good stuff.

Wiz Khalifa - Roll up

Songs relieve me. because i lost you, the one who would listen to me. be there for me. telling me whats right and whats wrong.

Travis Garland Heart Speaks First

This fucking shit again, all over again. shut the fuck up with your lectures man, you think you're all that ? yeah i talk back, is that all you can say when i own your ass? fuck you slut, if it wasnt for you i would have a perfect family. if it wasnt your gambling addictions and your crazy aggression. I wouldnt have coped this much in my whole fucking life. for the past 4 months, i always come home late and not eat dinner, cos i dont want to deal with you, and how you said i always eat off you, please. Im showing my independence ,showing you im not as weak as before. i can look after myself and i dont always need you. Trust me, im not going to be wrong, you will end up dying alone. your loved one will leave you one by one if you do not learn to cherish them. dont say i havent tried, it's because i've been trying too hard for too long, that i've had it. i take both my dad's role and my role, but you expect me to do EVERYTHING, what am i ? yeah you're so good because when you were 13 you knew how to cook and clean ? We'll did you know how to pay for your own phone bills, tutor fees and pay for your own breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner ? I used me and my friends for comparison to what us 'born in australia' kids do at home and you tell me off for comparing ? When all you do is say that, well if you were like the kids in vietnam, they have to do this do that. fucking hypocrite, talking 'bout comparing aye hoe ?

Not Afraid - Eminem

dude, your gf is annoying, just popped up on my dashboard when i dont want to see her fucking face. i get it alright, she's pretty farrrr. and shes tumblr famous too. But because of you two, i will do whatever it fucking takes for me to transform myself. Bitch you waitm wait and see what you could have had and what you missed out on. her ? puhlease. fuck femininity, i have my own ways, my own style and i'll embrace that shit. Im going to be unique rather than going with whatever makes me an acceptable female in society, at least i wont try so hard to get notes on tumblr. god. grab hold of yourself hoes. you'll be trippin. boys, people that you cant trust. anger and jealousy drives my motivation.

Jhevon Paris ft. Untitled | Beautiful Lady

With the power vested in me, i will fucking murder you, stop fucking avoiding me, you dumb slut. you think you're all that just because i said something to you before. broooo, seriously ? Just admit that you like her and we talk as usual best friends. but youre being so fucking annoying by coming up with these stupid excuses just because you currently dont need your friend anymore, you dog cunt, it was always bros over hows, now you pick chicks over dicks ? man the fuck up and face the truth buddy, you cant run from me forever. and you're so annoying cos you cant even keep a promise, always there for me when i cry ? yeah alright buddy ! you're really full of shit bro. man i hope you die in a car crash or something, like not die straight away, but suffer slowly, i hope your fingers get snapped off and then your legs become paralysed. i swear you are such a jerk, you are only good when theres something in it for you, you are very inconsiderate, and you need to go fuck yourself, big time. Strong choice of words or what ? PAUL TRUONG !

NAOMI - GO FUCK YOURSELF ( ORIGINAL SONG )

i want to blog as much while i still can. I'm afraid. Afraid of many things, but no one to tell. I lost the person that i trust, he will never be there for me again. It's like one by one, they're leaving me. I'm really scared, but for the time being i'm afraid of death, and it's only because i come to realise how easily death could come knocking at your door. But this is the time where i learn to cherish everything i've had. Where i know i definitely dont want to let somethings go, memories of you came pouring back to me, someone asked if i could pick anyone to be with, who would it be? it'll still be you. If i ever leave this world before you or any time soon, i want you to know, i havent changed since one year ago, i still love you. Love you for who you used to be. I will be there to watch over you, be your guardian angel, be your Fairly Odd Parents. As i'm writing, the more my head hurts, i dont know how serious this may be, but i will fight, whatever it takes for me to see you before i leave.

Christina Aguilera - You Lost Me

She's pretty, she's skinny, she's tall, she's everything that i can never be. I get it, i wouldnt pick me either. Why am i feeling like i've got beaten when i havent even tried my hardest. Maybe because my imperfections override everything good in me. I'm a very pathetic person, not the most loving person either, but when my heart locks, i have no idea how to let go. Yet, i hate you, hate you with all my heart. I will never forgive you for what you've done to me. You ruined me once again. I say i'll be the happiest person alive, do you understand how much courage i needed to have to say that to you ? Only to make not feel as guilty when i was pouring my heart out. I broke down, i was torn down into pieces, left there, not knowing if i was able to heal but i was able to have a laugh after every sentence i made to you. I had to hide it, fuck you, why do i have to be considerate when you've never once thought about my feelings. 17 years into my life and i have never done this to anyone, thanks for your response, after everything you've done with me. You stole my life away from me. But it's okay, thats only because im not her.

Like Me - Colby O'Donis

When you told me doing those things were wrong, I listened.I never wouldn't have thought you have that much of an effect on me. From your words I was able to once again gain self respect, pride and dignity. But now I'll throw it all away, become the person I was because what's the point in fulfilling someone's words when they no loncnger care. I've once again became a nobody in someones life. Why do I still care. Its fucked up. I don't want to be like this. You turned me into this. My life is no longer a choice of mine but a decision made by you can change everything. But at the same time, maybe, just maybe if I didn't exist, would it make your life easier?

Lego house - Ed Sheerman

I understand that i am making a fool of myself, but when has that ever stopped me. i fight for what i believe and how i feel. but, always, i eventually give up, call me quitter, haters gon' hate. I know what i feel for you, and i hate how you made me feel that way. Is this some kind of revenge or someshit, cos it's working mate, oh it's working well. And now, i will contradict everything that i have typed up previously. Yes i fight, but this i time, i know fighting for what i feel is wrong. I distinguished between what is possible and what is not, and came to the realisation of that i was only there as a satisfying tool. Therefore, i will fight, only this time, i'm fighting against my heart, my feelings, and my thoughts, for the sake of the belief that it will be much better off for me.

Chris Brown - All Back

jenny, accept the fucking house. you know what i'm talking about ! As for life, pretty good.... :) I'm straight into holiday mode right after english exam. Can't wait to play Lurnea next thursday, apparently they knocked Canley Vale out of Open Girls Basketball. :O And for some specific people, im sorry to say, i like you.

Down - JJLin

On a side note. This has been stressing me out more than exams. This question keeps me wondering all the time. I want people to tell me exactly what i am to them to avoid any misunderstandings and awkwardness. I like it much better when people say it straight up to me what they want. I dont have the time to deal with this fuss, yet it bothers me and takes up most of my time.

Lovers and Friends - Lil Crazed, Trixx & Skip

i'm not who i use to be. cliche start to some typical emotional girl's blog ? Yes i would know. I'm so much stronger than what i use to be. But you still get me frustrated from time to time. I guess the saying is right, the more you love, the more you hate. Of course. I know i've only known you for a short time, and we didnt last long either, but i know every single thing about you. I've learnt to read every single move you make to get what you want, when you are serious and when you are not. I would say if we never dated, we could be best friends. She will be hard to get, but dont worry, i believe if you really tried with sincerity you will win her heart. haha, goodluck.

Jason Derulo - Fight For You

LOL JKS.

Who am i to say - Hope

Once again you walk in and out of my life, reminding me of the scars and imperfections i have. You ask me why i did those kind of stuff. Yet you make no difference. I was really going to be there for you every time you needed a friend. Just when i forgot about that one specific imperfection/mistake that i've made in my life, i now have to live through it again. I will try to forget it, stop anything from hurting me, stop anything from making me upset. And i guess the best way is to stop all form of contact with you. But remember, i'm always here as your good friend.

Bruno Mars - Count on me

It's been a while since i've gotten this pissed at someone besides my mum. What frustrates me the most is what began all this. I shouldnt have done what i've done, i should have believed the words, i hate myself, for making wrong decisions. Who and what am i to people ? I do not know. But for this very instance, i am worthless in every single possible way. But i hate you ! I hate you a lot ! And i hate myself for thinking that we'll be good friends and hang out HEAPS. By heaps i mean whenever possible. But wtf. WTF. Fuck you. Hangs up on me after one word answers. What ? Is it because i can't be beneficial to you at the time. Yeah i would know.

Lily Allen - Fuck You (It's Not Me, It's You)

Ever found those annoying people that only need you when you have something they want ? or perhaps something you can help them satisfy. Yeah i hate those people too. It's like at the beginning they try real hard to seem like they're your friend, only resulting in them wanting to gain some sort of benefits in some ways, and when they do get it. You are no longer useful and the next time you are required. Human nature im guessing ? Well im sick and tired of being people's tools. You can kiss my ass bitches.

DASHDCADET (GOTTA GO) FT PEEEZO ND DA DOGGG. (BYE POLAR)

I'm sorry i havent been blogging much, that is only becuase life has been running sooo smoothly. Besides that the fact i hate school, im coping well. And no i am not going tafe assholes. And as for getting over someone that i was no in a relationship with, thats pretty hard. I'm whipped over him. there's actually two of them HAHAHAH yes go ahead judge me, it's been a while since i could have a legitimate crush after breaking up with vanny. And we have quite similar interests :$ With only my crush talking to me as a normal friend/acquaintance,that is enough to complete me :) It was nice bumping into him with the thought of never likely to see him around. How nice... :)

Missin’ You Like Crazy - Michael Alvarado

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ! DEAD ! FROM LAUGHTER HAHAHAHAHAHAHA omo http://linaeays.tumblr.com/ , dude she's more emo than me about vanny. but there is one thing i do envy her about, is that she's get a lot of supportive comments from people. I admire her strength to hold herself all together, she may be a little off when she slapped him, but she did a good job for all the girls he hurt. She is only one of the many. Many of her followers tell her that Vanny cheated on her with Janna, if people had eyes, it was quite obvious anyway. She did a much better job than me, she put it through. I couldn't have, thats pretty much why i ended it with him. Honestly reading her tumblr, it makes me feel ashamed of myself, i couldnt admit as much as she did. I couldn't show him that i loved him until he was gone, on the hand, she showed it and had nothing in return. That's life. It's okay, everyone once in a while you'll have to get into a wrong relationship to know whats right. i guess i shouldnt be talking because i still have a great deal of affection for him. But i hope Elina all the best and that vanny could stop being a player. Cheers guys !

Moving on - Taio Cruz

Semi's today, nervous already and there's like 4 more hours til the game haha. I really hope we can win :) I should get everything off my mind and focus hard in the game, so wish me luck guys haha. Have this weirdest crush on johnson, we've never even spoken. Is this normal HAHAHAHHAHA oh god. getting my heart broken by someone i havent spoken to, thats so sad LOOOL. but yeah all good :) Cheers guys.

Dont Give Up - Auburn

Why am i even crying so hard. Get over it Linda, can't you even take a joke ?

Art of Letting Go - Makaila

I Hate Love - Claude Kelly

Crying over you - Tao Cruz

First time hearing this... sooo likeee, someone said me and sunny look like twins :S HAHAHAHAH awkward, no we dont. I love talking to her, fuuull understands me and all :) Oh god, volleyball training was EPIC, im starting to like volley more than basketball, is that normal :O Shut up Xavier, we know you like NANCY now, dont deny it ;) And Cheers errrrbady.

Repost, originally written on : THURSDAY, JANUARY 26, 2012

Im getting so sick and tired of feeling affected by you. Im so sick and tired of trying so hard to seek love like ours. I tried and tried, but there is no spark with any one of them. I cant explain the feeling that i have, im not upset, im not angry, im not happy, it's like i lost all hope. Its annoying, i cant even motivate myself for anything anymore. My world is dull. Even though we've moved on, it gets so hard to walk away. I dont know why i still think of you, i hate myself for doing so.

Paula Deanda - Walk Away

They say the hardest feeling is watching the person you love, love someone else. That is true, but that's not all. I say it hurts rather more when you see the person you love not being able to find 'the one', and perhaps just playing around with everyone else. I pity him. That is only because within him, i see a reflection of myself. Neither both of us can get serious or remain in a long term relationship. This is like a big joke that god is playing on me. I've been running in circles, only to realise that i've came back to beginning for the x number of times. Sunny asked me if i ever thought that we could have a second chance. Truth is i couldnt even fool myself into saying yes, it is a fact that 'us' will never happen again. But us, humans are made with hope, that is what keeps us going, a glimpse of hope is already enough, enough for me to stay tough to stay beside you and assist/guide you to your pursuit of happiness.

Circles - Marques Houston

Farrrr fuuullll depressed that im going to write some Love sonnets bro HAHAHA jks. Aint Elizabeth Browning. Hmmm im still caught between the dilemma of re-attending basketball training and get fit, or just stay the way i am. Well, my coach do give me some discouraging words during the time that i was gone. Dude, i know you have a lot of respect from your students and players, but thing is you may know me, but you dont know my story. Things i go through, things i do, nothing, not one bit,you dont know anything. I dont even want to bother explaining to you sir. You annoy me. You along with mr pham, making things up that isnt even close to reality. Me ? Changed ? Hanging with Boys on the day that i had tutor ? Of course, what i say wont matter. Me saying a thousand words to explain myself wouldnt even help the situation because it isnt even worth one sentence that mr pham says. Well. No. I'm not challenging my coach, i'm just saying, dont be hypocritical. Dont tell us what to do if you arent able to show us what was suppose to be done. Dont tell me that i have been using anna to notify you things and that why cant i tell you myself when you couldnt even be bothered to answer to one of my emails and requesting anna for a reason why i want to return to training.

Stronger - Kelly Clarkson

This refers to all aspects of my life at the moment : What doesnt kill you make you stronger.

Your face, your smile, your eyes.

Never Love Again - Taio Cruz

Finally uncapped after a gazillion years. First thing i did was watch Hello Baby Season 5, with MBLAQ. Jizz right there, they are tooooo adorable, and Leo singing to my favourite song "This is war", dayumm. Here's a little appreciation for James' dramas to get me going :L Thank you. Oh god. The more romance drama i watch, the more i come to realise how sad my love life is HAHAHA, valentines day was just like 5 days ago. Sadly, no roses from guys, one from Cindee, one from Jenny and only one from anonymous. Dude, it's kinda fucked how im drawn right back to someone that probably sees me as nothing much more than just a school mate. That feeling, when you know there are memories, so close yet so far, that sucks. Well suck it up princess :) and ummm, guys... MBLAQ FIGHTING !

I dont want anyone to know. But its so damn hard. Pulling through. Im surviving.

Going Crazy - Natalie

Oh jenny jenny jenny, do not get upset over your break up, i know i shouldnt be talking because it took me 8 months. But it's okay, you deserve better than him right ? And guys that use other girls as tools to make you jealous is just immature and inconsiderate. Trust me, in no time you'll find your perfect man, you know... his da wun bro. Looking at you reminds me so much of myself that it frustrates me. We experienced the same things and you've coped with it way i did, and we both fail at that shit. I know i know, you still like him a lot, but look at you and then look at him or look at rosa. Farrrr, they aint even at your level girrrl. LOOOL.

Paula Deanda - Walk Away

With me being a cocky cunt, we've OBVIOUSLY won our first unisex game for this year HAHA, i didn't do shit, only 3 steals and one block. How sad. But we still won, so all good buddy all good. Score was 64-41. We did alright, for not trying at all for the first half :) Didnt do much for this holidays, but im doing my Ls test on wednesday, lagged it for two years, hopefully ill pass. Guys wish me luck.

The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

Everyone has a story or a past that cant be left in the past. Something that may have happened years ago but still feel so recent, something that keeps them up all night still thinking about all the possible outcomes. I havent been able to sleep no matter how hard i try. Even if i do, my dreams wont give me a break from my past. It's like i cant run and i cant hide. There's no escape. But i have hope that one day, one day i can let everything go and just let it slide. That day hopefully wont be that far away.. And for those whose past is still bothering them, why dont you accompany me into overcoming this, i would much rather say i have a fear towards my past, explains why i am always avoiding it. Let everything go, thats our only escape to freedom for our heart and mind.

You'll be okay - Varsity

Hows your holidays guys ? Good ? I hope so. Anywho, heres my late post for yesterday. Went out with cindee, james, amy, paul, xavier, william, & jenny B. Hmmm, our plans were originally to go city and go darling harbour for the playgrounds first and then go to the restaurant, but got lazy and just went to market city LOOOL the galaxy world there is MADDD, especially the bumper cars, but i didnt get a chance to go on that, too broke. Musashi is the place we ate at, by the name of it, im guessing most of you would have already realised this restaurant sells japanese cuisine. Pretty alright. That was my day for yesterday :) As for today, i am extremely tired and i just woke up. This is my tactic, watch drama or anything til real late at night like 3am or 4am so i can wake up real late in the afternoon, which will keep my day occupied and get my mind off things...

Scared of Beautiful - Frank Ocean

:( It's summer at the moment, and i am addicted to going to the beach. But sadly, dont have the body to go LOOL ! Thats why im so sad. I worked out for like one week and gave up, couldnt resist the temptation to fast food. :O So now, im back to where i was. A fatass. :L But seriously, i fuuuulllll need a tan and all. Nothing much has been happening for me, my days are fine now, pretty occupied as well. So i have my next two weeks of events all planned out, cant wait ! Thats all i could come up with for today. AND WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOO LAKERS ! WITH THEIR SIXTH STRAIGHT HOME WINS ! :D bye guise :$

Real Love - Eric Benet

Went to cronulla beach with the volley group :) At the station i ran into t blockers, i use to wish i was closer to them so i can hang out with them too. But life doesnt work like that, but it did made me realise how uncomfortable i am around them. I cant really be who i am. I've learnt that friends who accept you for who you are those that will stick by you. Seeing 'him' reminded me that the world still moves on even if i havent. So instead of being strangers with a history, shall i forget everything and just drop it ? Guys, what do you think ? :)

Andy Grammer - Keep Your Head Up

FORGOT TO SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FELLOW NON EXISTENT READERS OF THIS BLOG ! :L:L its already 2012.. wow time has past by way too quickly, its my HSC year already, and this 6 weeks holiday is the only holiday that i cant actually relax without stressing that much about school. But i havent made good use of it, its halfway through my holidays, i've done nothing productive. Fuck. After New Years Eve, im even more sure that im moving on nigga. The reason why i started working out and getting big instead of losing weight was always because of the influence of you. I wanted to be better than you. Now that i know you dont matter, i will still continue with this. I will be strong, mentally and physically. No one aint gone take me down ever again. People ask who im onto right now ? No one. I dont need anyone else, ill do fine. I can protect myself and i will only be dependent on myself. Fuck haters, they make me strong. Pain ? Good joke. Aint even a word in my personal dictionary. Im coming back fresh and new and better than before. Vanny ? LOL who the fuck is that. To conclude my post, 2011, a year where real friends and fake friends show their true identity, pain and gain, mistakes, regrets are all going to be left behind. 2012 will be a year where i make up for every mistake i've made, study my ass of because in 1 year time, i have to make sure my life will be heading in a direction 10 times better than all my haters. As for those that had stuck by, this will be my greatest gratitude i can show towards you which is dedicating this very post to you all. I'll be there if any of you need me, im only good with listening, cant contribute much though. sorry lol. I wish you all the best for this new year of 2012.

Favourite Jam right now : Remember the name - Fort minor

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

Mike! - He doesn't need his name up in lights He just wants to be heard whether it's the beat or the mic He feels so unlike everybody else, alone In spite of the fact that some people still think that they know him But fuck em, he knows the code It's not about the salary It's all about reality and making some noise Making the story - making sure his clique stays up That means when he puts it down Tak's picking it up! Let's go!

Who the hell is he anyway? He never really talks much Never concerned with status but still leaving them star struck Humbled through opportunities given despite the fact That many misjudge him because he makes a living from writing raps Put it together himself, now the picture connects Never asking for someone's help, or to get some respect He's only focused on what he wrote, his will is beyond reach And now it all unfolds, the skill of an artist

Why cant i upload videos on here anymore ??!!!! FML. Uploading it on youtube then. Because i am cool like that. And im a sad bitch, thats why :)

Awkward moment when i remember everything that happened at nye but i pretend that i dont so that things wont get fucked up. Mother of god, what have i done. I was so sad and so frustrated at vanny and then all of a sudden, i felt tears. I was crying. Branden comforted me, and everything that happened after that was just ... plain alcohol's fault. Shit bro. This is weird and awkward, dont know how to face some people anymore .... LOL