Love is all fun and games, dont hate the player, hate the game. You dont have enough skills, you get hurt. Thats the way. I like it how it is now, all for fun, nothing serious, no hard feelings. I never ever want to be in a relationship ever. That type of bullshit is over and done with. It was my fault for forgetting to update my fairytale, prince charming aint gon come if you just sit on your fatass waiting for that shit to happen.

Im so awkward, sometimes its not even funny. I'm just gonna give up in trying to like somebody, its tough man. Got to deal with the fact that they might not like you back or they may be interested in 20 other girls. Im done. Fight, fight my ass. Im so tired of this shit. If you want me in your life then show me it, if not, dont be afraid to tell me so. Anywho, Vedulka Wichta sang Blackbird by the Beatles and it is definitely mesmerising.

If you are reading this, you are probably wondering what problems i have to brag about. No, nothing much has happened in my life. I'm doing the usual, surviving and that. Yes i survived without him. Im not doing that bad actually. Im interested in someone, someone is interested as well, just living the normal life. Nothing to be excited about, nothing to regret about. Actually i do look forward to meeting new people, having new people in my life to share my experiences with. Well i bought my formal dress yesterday. A white dress, yes, the colour that i always wanted. But a shame is that now i have no formal date. But its okay, i wont die just because i dont have one. All good. Just chillin', killin', drug dealin', well im not actually doing those things, just tryna rhyme mate.

You finally did it. You broke it off. at 3pm today, i was extremely tired and fell asleep on my bed only to have woken up to see a devastating text. You said you're sorry for leading me on, dont tell me sorry cos you're not.You were in it for the benefits, out of it now because it got boring, i know your game play too well. But my defence was shit, got penetrated and you scored. I lost. This is my fault not yours. Its always my fault. Im not good enough for you. At least this time i was proud to say that i did nothing wrong, I WILL NEVER EVER EVER GET BACK with you, not even in my next few lives. You took me for granted, you dont deserve me. You broke it off right before our one month and during my trials. You're so selfish. You only thought for yourself. I tolerated every single thing about you and i've ended up here. God have mercy that you will live a long and good life, long enough to see me do better than you. Know that, i will always see your family as one of the kindest i've been with as i would know growing up as a kid in a dysfunctional family. You and your family was the one who made me feel like i had someone, you are the one who took it all away from me. Vanny, a name so daunting that i never want to hear it again.

Dont text and drive EVER. I will kill you if anything happens to you.

Oh i see you love emma, dont mind if i cut the bitch. - overly attached girlfriend.

So like, i've always had this problem about you saying i love you to your bestfriend, now your publicising it on your facebook. Thats cool too. Not like i have feelings or anything. I would love to take revenge and all but i've learnt from my past. It is when i am given the opportunity to get back at you and i dont take it, i will then be able to truly say i am moving on. Im slowly letting go of the one that i once "thought" i "loved". YOLO bro, ill tolerate this shit until you dump me, Im not going to do the breaking up because i dont want to feel bad about it AGAIN. I've already made the same mistake twice by dating you again, i dont want to make another mistake by ending it. LALALALALA i feel so fucked up right now. I was really sad when i first saw it, now im just like meh...

BEST THINK I NEVER HAD - BEYONCE

There was a time

I thought, that you did everything right

No lies, no wrong

Boy I must've been out of my mind

So when I think of the time that I almost loved you

You showed your ass and I, I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it

I thank God I dodged the bullet

I'm so over you

So baby good lookin' out

I wanted you bad

I'm so through with that

Cause honestly you turned out to be the (best thing I never had)

You turned out to be the (best thing I never had)

And I'm gonna' always be the (best thing you never had)

Oh yeah, I bet it sucks to be you right now

I've come to realise, i lost a lot of my close friends. And half the time, i dont even know what i did wrong. But really in this past year, a lot of shit has happened and yes people change and so i did. But looking back, if i could choose between friends or vanny. I would have picked friends, they'd be by your side, through thick and thin, i miss them all. Only to figure that i gave it all up for a player.

Not bad guys, stalking from my tumblr onto my blogspot. 60 page views last night. I told you, you'd regret coming on here. There is NOTHING interesting. I'm just a depressed little fuck who doesnt want to post it on tumblr to annoy the fuck out of all my followers. Now shall i proceed to continue with my depressing experiences. I texted him in regards to next wedesday. Of course he knows what next wednesday is ! ITS COLIN'S BIRTHDAY !!! omg, cant wait to say happy birthday to him aye.... farrr he has some pretty good memory to remember that! I dont even know why im tolerating this. One is falling deeply in love, the other, well, is falling out of love.

I am sorry i'm a cheater. I lie and i cheat. I'm sorry. Forgive me...

Bought him some sweater today. Yeah, wtf was i thinking. Oh well. Gonna be our one month present if he hasnt already dumped me by then. Next wednesday is the day, prepare myself to get torn down. In every single way. fml.

this post can go on forever if i wanted it to. im so tired. tired of you and everything. i take long walks by myself and getting awfully depressed everytime. my raw emotions are hard to control. you tear me up every time i see your face. i've cried heaps when i realised you dont remember what next wednesday is. Our 1 month maybe ? I dont know, you can go for days or weeks without talking to me only realising that im dying to talk to you or see you everyday. I miss you more by the second, and as for you, its always friends and family before girlfriend. Lets say if i was to fall in the ocean with your family and friends, you'd probably save everyone else first and by the time you get to me, you've already forgotten that im still drowning. its tiring, working myself up for someone like you. What if i told you, good job, i havent been able to focus on my education because of the mental torturing you put me through, i jeopardised my hsc because of you, and you wouldnt give 10 shits. im only one the many girls that you like. who am i kidding. im linda tieu. Im not good enough for you. Not pretty enough, not good at having conversations, not good at flirting, not good at keeping you entertained. Im sorry for that. Im sorry for bothering you all the time. Im sorry that i havent realised that you dont actually care. Why dont you just let me go ? Let me live my life without you like i did for the past year. I hate you so much.

All By Myself - Celine Dion

Please, i dont want you to be my '500 Days Of Summer'...

"everyone deserves happiness" Can we have an exception here? Me. I dont deserve it, i dont even deserve to live.

you make me feel worthless in so many possible ways that you should get an award for it. tell me when was the last time YOU wanted to hang ? its always me asking, and you're always just out and about or you'll be busy with SOMETHING. Dont tell me im clingy because im not, i've did all that i can to respect your personal space but you took it for granted. Im so sick of being your last choice. And you never showed that you cared. Am i just a hooker with a girlfriend title, or am i just your toy? You dont give a crap about me, you just dont want to be alone.You figured you could just toy with me until you find someone better. I see your plan, great plan. Im not going to say no to it. Because that'd just show, you just werent worth it. Neither was i. I took the risk, made my bets, lost it all, now im back where i started. took me 1 year to forget you, and you refreshed my page instantly, thankyou, thankyou for all the memories and tears you remind me of.

im going crazy. 9/14 signs that he just isnt that into you. 9 ! more than 50% of your actions tell me you dont like me. why did you ask me out? did you only ask because you needed a girlfriend ? i think so. While im here tearing myself into pieces while i overthink, you probably dont give 10 shits. You skipped many steps. You told me you want to go slow, then we do all those things at your place. You are a liar and a cheater. Why do i always fall for this act. You'd tell me that you call, then i never hear from you. You put little effort into planning whered we go for a date then you cancel last minute, you take long to reply most of my messages, you always get a little pushy into getting physical intimacy. Who am i to complain, i promised myself to tolerate anything from you because this is MY second chance, ill take a shot and hope for the best. But from my own interpretations, relationships arent suppose to be like this, im so tired of being the only trying, you never have time for me, you only have time for your family and friends and you have time for me when you want sexual intimacy, relationships shouldnt be me crying myself to bed because i have so much doubts because you NEVER reassure me of anything, to be honest i feel like i am one of your many girls, rather than your girl. Im not saying im a keeper, im just saying i want more than just lust, i want love.

I hate my doubts, i hate my contradictions, i hate myself. I dont want to live in a life full of lies. Im so tired of the constant worrying of which girl you are with. Im tired of fighting for your attention. I want to just fall asleep forever. Just break up with me and let me deal with it.

hmm, another thing is. I found that i really care for you. As a friend. I use to think i started to hate meah riano because you liked her. I found myself to hate her even more for leaving you and leading you on. I hate her for breaking your heart. I hate her for being so easy with every single guy she talks to. I knew you were going to get hurt from the smiles you shared with her in your photos. She must have meant heaps man. But dont worry buddy, be strong. the right girl will come along and i'll tell you right now that girl isnt me. Us getting back is a mistake. Forget all those that came into your life and left. She was a tramp, so am i.

I realise i no longer like you that much. I have established that the only reason why my mood still change because of what you do is because of my pride. Because you are my boyfriend, i automatically think i claimed you, you are mines and noone else's thus i expect your commitment and effort towards our relationship. But we all know what type of person you are. Shall i go back to my initial suggestion ? We can be just friends with benefits, no commitments, no effort, no more worrying and no jealousy. Because since the start, that was how you saw us ; no strings attached.

I want to be a bodybuilder, not like the FULL ON HARD OUT body builders, just average ones. So my body isnt so bad. Writing today because i need to let myself remember everything that happened in case i forget over time. I went to his place, once again we done those things, yes i feel like our relationship becomes stronger when we do that but then when you tell me to come over today and i didnt, i felt like i was pushed away. As though i am a toy, to be precise a sex toy. I feel so shit right now that i dont even know how to describe it. Yes you might not like me, you might be toying with me. But im doing the same thing to myself, i just dont feel like i'll fall that hard for you. When you said you will get me whipped again, i know i know, you just like the feeling of having girls being head over heels for you. And i told you i wont fall for it this time. Im glad i cried on the spot, let out my emotions before they eat me up. I wont allow myself to become too attached, i dont want to fuck my life all over AGAIN. Please, dont fuck around. You're just lucky i havent killed you yet, im not lying when i say i actually have mental problems, hurt me again and i promise you and myself that i will make your life a living hell.