I already said i would back off, i gave it a day to cool off and it was day 1 of moving on. Then she comes along and types me an essay about how i should stop talking to her man. She is telling his girlfriend to stop talking to her boyfriend? Are you kidding me. Are you fucking kidding me? I already tried not to get involved and conceal this pain i feel but you just like to rip open the wound and sprinkle some salt all over it. Any other time and i would have let it slide. This time? No. I'm am angry. I am the girlfriend who has the right to be angry. Dont you dare tell me to back off when i already said im giving him to you. Youre welcome. I dont even understand how you think you can compete against me, with offense and what not, you're soooooooooooo ugly. Normally im not such a shallow and judgemental person, but i know you enough to tell you're not pretty on the inside either. You look like you feel from heaven, no not because you look like an angel but because your face is all fucked up and shit.

I havent told anyone what happened and im not planning to. I once read, you dont never really know whether you love someone because youre lonely until youre comfortable with being by yourself. I know im stronger than all of this. I know i can do it, i just gotta push through it and im going to make it. I was on the phone with jenny yesterday, just a little catch up session. She told me she had a fight and was worried that it would end, although im going through hell, i reassured her, i told her he loves her, i told her everything is going to be okay, i told her he'd never lie, i told her he wasnt avoiding her rather he was giving her time to cool down. It's just too cruel and harsh out there, i'd rather give her a dream than hell. As i was telling her these things, i thought to myself, he may have lied to me, he may have played me, he may have used me, but so what, that does not make all guys the same. I can not just generalise them like that. I still have hope. I believe things are going to work itself out. Isnt that what life is all about? Just doing whatever you can to keep yourself going because there are a lot of factors i have no control over. I'm looking forward to everyday with being without him. I've made my choice to walk away from this flame, parents have warned us to not play with fire, yes i've got a burn but im not giving up on the world. Let's keep going and keep fighting, for yourself.

It's not just in movies.

I mean, i'd feel sympathetic for the characters who experience it in the movies but i have never really known how it would actually felt. Now i know, it's like everything you've come to known is a lie. Everything is a lie, that one person you thought you could trust is the person who betrayed it. I can't believe i use to look at this person in the eye every day and fell for every single thing he said. When i look at him now, i dont see him there anymore. I don't see anything there anymore. Your walls came crashing down for him and that's exactly why he left you in ruins. I look into his eyes and i feel so distant, everything i trusted and believed in, after every promise, every vow, he became the person he sworn he would never be. It's not his fault, it's mine. Being the idiotic Linda, i charged into it anyway because my chinese eyes are too blind to see.

Hello, i've missed you. Now where do we begin? The part where he fondled with my heart rather than my breasts or the part where i still helplessly stick around while he suffocates me. Needless to say, i guarantee you i've had a heck of a time. Roller coaster? No, more like a continuing mt everest. Oh how i've missed expressing my bullshit here on a daily basis. First of, getting cheated on wasnt the end of it, i'm actually still traumatised by the way he reacted, an image forever embedded into me. For all i care, i should have left but i didnt. Surely enough by now you would have guessed it's because there's always this one aspect of them that draws you back, or you can weakly admit to fact you love them. I found out that throughout the first 6 months of our relationship (and yes that would include all your typical lovey dovey messages alongside the constant persuading/convincing/proving your love) only to found he had been flirtatiously messaging his ex. His excuse? haha oh dear oh dear oh dear, "thats just the way we talk and im used to it" and the typical one that he always throws at me "shes my first love, YOU need to understand". The fact he showed no remorse and continued to be 'elaborately romantic' with her after i caught him kissing her the first time, he 'vowed' to stop. I know the truth, i know theyve kept in contact, fair enough, i tried to live pass it, i tried to act like i dont care. Not happening. I'm having it my way and i've proposed three options. 1. You can continue your conversations while i gain access to your phone, 2. You stop talking to her entirely, 3. You let me be free.. I will not patiently wait for my fate, i will go and determine it, change it, fight it and most of all control it.