Sooo, for the past few days, my mum has been ignoring me. So what can i do ? i called her to let her know i have basketball training, she doesnt pick up and doesnt return my calls, and the other day i called her to let her know i finished early, she didnt pick up either. so now i have to train it too and from school. she didnt question me after that day i got back from basketball training at 8. i walked into the house, thought i was going to cop shit. but she stayed quiet, so i was guessing she was still ignoring me, therefore i keep my mouth shut. cos shes like a fucking bomb, she blows up whenever the fucked she wants.

So today, i was thinking if shes not going to return my calls, then no point in trying to contact her to say that im going afterschool. so then i went jennys house when i finished. until i say her incoming call, i knew shits going down... LOOL ! so i was shitting it, she told me to get home now and that she fucking whoop the fucking shits out of me. On the way home, thought about heaps of stuff. i was like whats the point being all sad about it when its not going to help, so i started smiling like a retard all the way home, cos apparently if you can make an effort to at least smile, it'll mkae you a whole lot happier. that shit was real let me tell ya that ! Man i was all ready for it. i was actually happy.

so i got home, got the same old shit again. she was yelling and screaming at me as usual, saying alme that if i dont wand SHE IS CONSTANTLY TELLING ME THAT IF I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITH HER SHE COULD KICK ME OUT OR SHE COULD FUCKING LEAVE ( dont know how i can emphasise more on that phrase)and she'd often ask( by ask i mean command the fuck out of me until she gets the answer) what i will prefer. i know she wants me to answer that i want her to stay so she can feel important and that she feels like shes won the battle. see what she did there ? :L yeah i've given in, i know after giving in, shits gonna get real. she;s going to be dominant from now on. my father was forced to leave because he couldnt stand her being so bossy and constantly asking him for money to buy grocery because she lost all her money at the RSL clubs.... yeah im kind of taking my father's role :S now that she think she is the important one, i know im gonna cop heaps of shit. soo, since the moment i came home, she never shut up, not even for a minute :L

Shes always calling me a "bitch, whore, slut, fucking cunt, stupid bitch" i know it doesnt sound like much but if you hear it from the person you once care the most for. ouch ! haha. i literally lost all my rights in this house, i was looking at the clock, and she said " you fucking bitch, why the fuck are you looking at the clock for ? you want to plan when you want to leave this fucking house? " or she'd come up with more pathetic excuses such as " why the fuck are you smiling ? You want to leave this house dont you ? and you want me to leave with your sister and just leave you alone dont you?" that isnt even the worse part yet... " you dumb skank fucking whore, why didnt you tell me you weren't coming out with us to eat, you made my wait for 10mins for you to shower and shit just to wait for you, you're planning this as a revenge aren't you ? you slut, you want to leave this house aye? ", firstly i wasnt given the invitation to go eat. secondly she only waited 10mins.. sometimes when i think back, i feel kind of bad, cos i do talk back a lot. but these two days, i dont even reply to her, because i know i cant hold my temper..

So when she lectures me, if i respond, i talked back which means i was being disrespectful, if i do not respond and stayed quiet, i am ignoring her and that is being disrespectful. likee.. make up your fucking mind, but i've got a trick. everytime she lectures me, i've got four words for myself : music on world off.


Oh oh and for everyone that was bothered to read all that shit, i hope that you'll be able to smile everyday of your life and be happy with everything thats happened, because who knows, one day, god/buddha may just feel the need to take it all away from you.

Vanny, i know we're not together anymore. but lately you've been speaking to me, even one word, or one'insulting' word from you is already enough to keep a smile on my face for the whole day. You are the reason why i can be so strong and cope with all this shit. because i have to live, live every single day to the fullest, and live it til the day i'm able to see you find the right one. the girl that is going to love you and treat you right, that's not going to betray you or put aside your feelings, someone who is going to prioritise you. someone who can do all the things, that i wasn't able to fulfill.

LOL, i love life. Just got bashed by my mum, again. Well this is pretty much what happened. I was crying, and lately i've been in a really bad mood cos of vanny. but i've never taken anything out on anyone. ever. but my mum, she's a gambler, she loses all her money and always burrow off me. i dont have enough to support the family, so i a got a job at kfc. idk, i always think about my family first. but to my mum, im a inconsiderate tb, whose trying to be all tough and shit. lol. i;ve always thought about her first. every single time. i even feel fucking corny to admit i love my mum. yeah i swear i find it embarrassing when i make it obvious that i care for her. lets say for example, here she is trying to save money so she only orders 2 meal for me and my sis, she shares her food with my sis, so she doesnt get much. Every single time that happens, i feel bad, i feel the responsibility to look after my family since my dad left. So i always tell her, im full or i cant eat that much, so she can eat my share of the food. i dont know if she notices but, i personally find that corny as fuck. lol.

but anywho, she was in a bad mood cos shes been broke lately and i dont have money to support her because i've lent all my money to her and need to pay for school fees and phone bills. she started raging, i've been trying my best to hold my temper down for her lately, but i just cant. my mind is tormented. i've been stressed to the point i cant think really clearly anymore, with all this vanny thing and now my family. I dont know man. Here she was standing with a thick long wooden stick and beat the shits out off me while im crying. oh and i fell at work yesterday, which leaves me with bruises all over my forearm. she kept beating my bruises. i said stop. she said stop talking back. on the same fucking place, she hits the bruises over and over again. that didnt hurt. until, my sister, she came over. She kicked me. shes onyl 5 years old. but she came over and kicked me, i pushed her away, and my mum pushed me away. It wasnt any type of push, it was one of those pushes where you would do to someone whose about to start shit with your family.

That very moment, i felt very distant. i dont feel like i have a family. i dont know where i belong. i have noone. my life, where is going ?

Wtf bro, everytime im going through a tough ass motherfucking time trying to forget you ! yeah you vanny so. You always just pop up randomly and say things to me. like i dont know man, when you're in my field of vision, i already find it hard to get you out of my mind, and then bam, you spoke to me. swear to god, i died a million times. everytime you speak to me, i go back to the beginning, where i started off. the place where i thought i still had hope with you. like fuck you bro. you make me go through the depression cycle ALLL OVER AGAIN ! Do you know how much effort and how many nights i've cried my heart out so i can get the fuck over you, and you just walk over and say a word to me which back fires EVERYTHING i've done ! FUCK YOU ! well, bitch, when i try talking to you, you never reply, SO DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME AT ALL ! why da fuck do you choose to talk to me at times where i dont want to ! its like trying to quit smoking, im here trying to quit, then you come over with a lit cig in front of me. well you think its funny ? no its not. so gtfo you whore ! Go eat your rat food you rat ! ASDGJASGDLGHKHALAJHKDHG ! by the way, i like your body lately. have you been working out ? its become more toned. and i want to get in your pants too. LOL jks !

But seriously, you are pissing me off ! make up your mind ! if you dont want to talk to me THEN DONT ! DONT JUST CHANGE YOUR MIND HALF WAY AND GO "oh hey its linda, imma just talk to her for a bit, and tease her for a bit because i find it funny" NO BITCH NO ! Do i look like a fucking toy to you ? Go play with others heart and feelings ! Had enough of your shit ! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FIELD OF VISION BEFORE I CUT YOU UP BITCH ! just saying.

I hate acting, i've had enough of being all weird and retarded. Because i dont want to be forgotten. I dont want to be the quiet one where everyone forgets her existence. and i sure love to be all happy and loud all the time so that it can contradict with the fact that im a sad mother fucker and hides it from everyone. But i dont really like it when people just assume i'll never be sad and that im the strong type of girl who can take whatever. like go get fucked. im happy so that i dont be sad, and now these bitches be putting shit on me thinking im gone do fine with it. two words for you : FUCK YOU ! but, at the same time, i'd rather act tough, cos i'd much rather care for people that i love than for them to worry. And one more thing, i may be all retarded and stuff, but really, i have feelings too, i dont want to be thrown at by harsh words either. I take them to heart. And especially for those i care for, i become very considerate towards them, but i really dont like to make it obvious, it really kills my image of being the "tough one". Just please, to those who i care for, dont make the things i do for you seem non-existent and unappreciated. Cheers.

What i wished we could have been.

This is seriously bugging me now. For fuck sakes get out of my mind Vanny. Everytime i pause and just sit down for some peaceful time, you fucking pop up. I know our time together was really short, but man, that shit was deeeep. I gave it my all. I really could see us lasting some time, and you know thinking back, if we lasted a bit longer, i would have lost something to you that i will never regret, honestly. Yeah i;d give anything just to give us another chance. But i know, its been three months already, you'd obviously got over me already. You probably got over me the night after we broke up. Because who are you? You're Vanny Bro. Known Flirt/Player. Wasnt expecting anything much. I know this sounds stupid, but would you like to play me ? I really wouldnt mind being played, only by you.

A few days ago i was reading out old chatlogs, got up to a section where you said you went through my inbox and saw my messages with ba hai. I know you were cut. Im sorry for doing that. But i've always remained faithful because no matter how many times they tell me they love me, i would never back knowing i only love you. i felt the world 'love' is a pretty strong word with many deep meanings and feelings attached to it. when i was with you, i dont deny to being a mad flirt trying to live up to your name, and level of play. but not once can i use the word love with anyone else. but you, you use it so casually, with your bestfriend. you were mine, i dont care if shes your bestfriend, no girl touches you, no girl stars at you, no girls flirt with you, but you told her you loved her. i dont know how you perceive love. you may think its just a bond you have with one another over a long period of time, thats your definition to bestfriend perhaps ? but which girls wants their bf;s love to be shared with another girl. living with the fact that your bf loves you and his bestfriend. really if you love her than why would you be loving me. i know it sounds so useless whinging about shit 3 months ago. i just cant. cant get the thought of us out of my head, cant get the thought of you out of my head and most definitely cant get you out of my heart. word of advice to you vanny : when you have a gf, dont go saying i love you to another girl, well at least not in front of her.

Im sorry for still loving you. I cant cope with the fact you've moved on. Everyday im trying to compete with you, checking your fb and seeing if you've got a gf yet, and everyday im trying to get my rep up so i can live up to your standard, yeah, the badass image, thats what im trying to get. im always trying to get back at you wanting to make you feel like it's your lost. im so immature, i cant even study properly now. just when i thought i could get back on track, here i am, being a fucking hk and failing in school. thats great. my life is ruined. and yet nothings changed, cos im still in fucking love with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMYRSme2L6s

Second youtube vid guys !! Please support, if not then gtfo slut. LOOL just kidding, i love everyone that reads my shit <3 HAHA !

Click, watch, rate. :)

I thought i was over you, i thought i could act like nothing happened. I thought i could finally face up to you and be cool with it. I cant. Most nights before i sleep, i think about us, what we could have been or what we would have been. This shit keeps me up for hours. I was happy when i didnt see you in the class that i was meant to have with you. But the moment you walked in. My heart dropped. It literally skipped a beat. You caught my attention, i couldnt lay my eyes off you.

yeah i act tough and shit. but who am i kidding ? no matter how much of a dickhead you've turned into, im still in love with you. im still willing to stand here beside you and be there whenever you need someone. fuck i hate myself. i always wonder if i didnt fuck up, then where would be now ? I always end up with the same conclusion, you still would have left me for her. i still go on your facebook from time to time, seeing who you're talking to and stuff. but wtf, i get jealous at them girls you talk to, even when i dont have the rights to. i still reminisce. i always live on the good memories that we've had, thats why i cant let go. i even make myself look like a slut, thinking you would go for that type now LOOOOL! yeah wtf bro. i know.

I've confessed to you, but you've told me to fuck off. I dont know what more i can say. I just want to be there for you. Even if you're not who you use to be, you're still who i miss. but i still hope "us" could happen somewhere near future. i still believe in you and i. but what can i say ? I can only comfort myself by saying " if we're meant to be, we will happen eventually". Aint gona give up waiting for you.

OMFMOGPFMLN ! (omg my fucking mother of god, fuck my life now) Anzyway, i've dyed my hair!!! :O was aiming for blonde ! You know whats fully stupid? I forgot to bleach my hair HAHA ! so therefore it didnt turn out as "blonde" came out as this orangey light browny colour :) Still alright, i guess its not to the point that it becomes a visual disturbance. :L But man, i might re-dye it again to get blonde. and this time, im definitely gonna remember to BLEACH my bloody hair before hand.

If you're wondering why blonde ? Cos girl, i;ve tried all those typical colours such as brown, purple and red. And dude, i definitely dont want to try blonde when im 20+ or when im in uni, thats just fuckedddd girl ! Therefore while im still young, and im still a teenager thats why i wanted blonde so i can be a tb hk motherfucking rebel LOL jk ! just wanted to try something new and not be called whack :) so yeah, cheers guys !

I have a confession to make. To all those i've ever flirted with, like madly flirting with and then suddenly just stop talking to you or hardly ever reply. Thats because i'm bored of you, yes i was toying with you. I am a bad person. I do it to satisfy my own emptiness. I like the one moment of spark we get though. If i ever lead someone on, i'm sorry. Dont be upset by the fact its over, be happy for the fact it happened.- forgot who said this. LOOL !

By ze way... on to the topic that i was suppose to be on about. Dude, to those who diss my sexual fantasy, fuck you ! LOL jk. Yeah i know its fucked up. My so called fantasy is having "it" on the beach haha. fucked up or not. who cares :L I so did not just make this public bro. now the world can know what im into, therefore are you dtf ;) HAHAH only kidding.

YOU ! If you ever go on my blog, stop. Just stop. Stop turning into what you use to be. I dont know if im at fault for this change but dude, pick yourself up ! You tried hard to quit smoking/doing drugs, after all that you're just going to let yourself go ? You are better than this. You're life was just getting back on track, you had good marks and great performance in your basketball team, are you fucked in the head or what nigga ? Oh god, i dont even know what to say to you. Drinking alcohol, doing drugs and getting stoned and going around and fucking around ? Hope you dont catch some fucked up sexual disease bro. I still care for you as a friend. But i just cant bare to watch you fucking yourself up. Man up doesnt mean be a fucking a hk you tb cunt. Fuck !

Instead of lingering onto the past. Here i am thinking about my future and the kind of relationship i would like to be involved in.


Dear future boyfriend,
I am adventurous. I love exploring new and beautiful places and i would love to be doing that with you. You dont have to be rich, we will save up together and then travel the globe cause boy as long as im with you, anything will be fine. I'm afraid of being alone, so baby, you better stick with me when we travel :( And we can stay in a small hotel near a paradise. I love paradises, dont know 'bout you, but they make me feel so free. I want to wake up to the warmth of your arms.


And walking alone the beach while the sun sets..

Or we can do something else along the beach.. ;) If you catch my drift ;) HAHA



Oh, i love desserts ! my biggest wish is chilling with you at some fancy restaurant and eat desserts and ONLY desserts. Sweets are potentially good at making me happy :P
We can share the same plate, trust me, the whole dish becomes a whole lot sweeter that way :)



You can play the prince in my life and we'd be chilling at outside my castle/crib like ..

Close enough. :)

Or we can just wonder about the harbour side. anywhere is fine. long as youre by my side baby.


If you like basketball too, even better. I'll be going for my team and you'll be supporting yours. we can have little fights about whose team is better and then make up afterwards..


Or even better we can have a 1 on 1 game. where i will try to let you win so you can feel bad for me haha, just kidding. but i'd like to have a fun game, where winning is not the purpose but the process and experience is.



And then by the end of the day, i'd be telling you how much i love you.
I know im not perfect, i'm a girl. I get jealous easily, i complain sometimes and overreact but please know i'm always sorry by the very end of the day because you will probably mean the world to me. I do not wish to lose you. Please try to cope flaws and insecurities, promise i wont ever do anything that will hurt you. :)

After all, growing old with you is what i want <3

Bitches that believed the other post about my ex was the last post IS OFFICIALLY TROLLLED ! ;)

LOL sif it would be the last post. This is pretty sad, even though i know noone visits my blog and i still post things. Thats maybe because there is noone that goes on it thats why i post it here :) I like it here, where i express myself to every single detail possible knowing that i dont need to lie, fake, play any games or mindfucking.

This is what i've recently wrote on my tumblr : Breaks my heart to see when your friends say “with your girlfriend” and only to realise i was once the person they could have been talking about.

Yeah, im over him. Yet i still reminisce. The past and the present, they are all part of my life. It kills me inside to see that you are becoming what you use to be. I know im not any better because i do the same thing. Thats because i've given up on myself. You havent. You have a perfect life waiting ahead of you. Yet you flirt with every girl possible and starting to sound like the player you use to be. I dont wish for you to toy with someone else's feelings. I dont deny the fact that i am jealous. I have that messed up thought of not wanting you but not wanting you to like others either.

Boy, im fucked up now. I have no life. Im literally messing with another girl's man. Dont know how much longer i can keep my act up. But one things for sure, im not who i use to be and i dont want to go back. Because knowing the fact that im going to be the one who is going to be toyed with if i was to be the good old me, i might as well play the antagonist. Im the villain of my story, and as for my ending ? None of the bad guys get good endings. Im willing to face it, i deserve it. I fucked up and life didnt give me a second chance, neither did you.

Every single day you are on my mind, thats already shit. Whats even worse is that you are now creeping into my dreams and haunting me through the nights. I hate it. For all those that think i Bullshitted about the dreams, yeah it doesnt sound believable. But bitch i've reached the point beyond normality. I hate waking up to dreams with a happy ending with you. Hate, hate, hate, hate it. Why ? Because i wake up to loneliness. Knowing nobody out there is thinking about me, worrying about me, caring for me and/or loving me.

All i want to do now is start drinking, doing drugs and clubbing. I sound like a hk ? Come at me bro. Cause really, i dont give a fuck anymore.

Hey guys! So, i know i havent been vlogging lately, thats only because i;ve got something better for you guys. I've made my very first youtube vid !!!!! :O:O U MADDD??? :L

http://www.youtube.com/user/elleteebaby?feature=mhee
So please support my by checking the link above and SUBSCRIBEEEEE ! :)

LOVE YOU ALLL ! <3

Last Post on My Heartbreak. I know what you're all thinking. " About time " LOOL !

Yesterday, i grew balls. Not literally. LOL! but yeah, i went to him, told him i still loved him and that i cant let him go. He replied with "fuck off"

I've spent my whole night crying. Felt pretty good believe it or not. I had a song on repeat in my head. Want You Back - BProof. Damn boy, the lyrics are like made for me HAHA. Made me realise something though. Life can not be without regrets but there's a reason why regrets remain in past, now i've got to look forward. See whats in front of me and move the fuck on. Instead of thinking about "what ifs" i will be thinking about "how abouts".

I believe if me and you were meant to be, this wouldnt have happened. You're the player and im the unfaithful fucker. it wouldnt have worked. i dont love you anymore, i know im lying. but that phrase will be on repeat until i make myself believe so. no more hope, no more wishes, no more dreams.

i use to think that i would do whatever to get you back. You hate me, i hate myself. i need to man the fuck up and tank this shit. But know that, im here whenever you need someone. Now im going to let you go, let myself go and finally set myself free from this torture. I hope you lead a happy life cos i dont want to wait for someone whos heart is probably taken.

God damn that cupid but he helped me start a brand new life. Crushed me to rock bottom so that i can rebound and get back ahead of my life.

my question to myself, do i really want you back ? boy, i dont. not anymore.
i dont want to be selfish, as you wish, i will let you live your life.


Fuck This Shit. Im sorry. Im done with you. Bye.

Call me old fashioned, but i take relationships seriously.

Want you back - BProof

Tears could not be stopped. The anger inside. I hate myself for my mistakes.

Once Upon A Bored Sunday Afternoon.

My life was normal, until you walked in. I was into video games, anime, kpop, sports and many other things that excludes me from the shitting real world and makes me forget what pain was. I was so happy to get my life back on track. It had been 2 years since i broke up, relationships didnt mean anything anymore. Until you. Until you came into the picture. You reminded me of how horrible pain feels, you made me relived moments that i dont want to go back into. But here i am, back to what i started with in high school. A bitch, a unfaithful motherfucker, listens to the most depressing songs to torture the fuck out of myself, my life is not devoted to bball anymore, its all about getting rid of the pain you've left by demolishing my own life. You, my friend, have left me in a state of fucked upness. But no, i've never regret loving you. Thats maybe because at this very moment, i still do.

LOL EMO MUCH ? HAHAH :L

So how you guys been lately? :) No i have not quit vlogging, just im kind of capped. wont be able to upload vids for a while ! and for those who camp here and wait for for vids, im sorry bro ! LOL WHAT A JOKE ! I shall keep dreaming, like who the fuck even camps here for my shitty vlog, like seriously, i aint even famous. So therefore i have came up with the conclusion of probably quitting vlogging and make do something productive with my vids. I want it be based on comedy ? I guess ? If you have any suggestions please pop it into my tagboard ! CHEERS GUYS !

Oh and yes, i am still that sad, emo girl. HAHA yeah, how fucking gay bro. I know i annoy the fuck out of my ex. I try not to. But i just cant. I think me in general just piss him off either way, maybe its the face. Yeah i'd thought so too. Damnnn girl, you should see me when i wake up. Even i want to jab myself in the face LOOL ! well yeah. just a note to self here. I will always love that freaking jerk ! cos im a sped. END OF STORY !