Desperately in need of a getaway, cant wait til mid session break. Hoping i can go Queensland with the bestie. Care to join anybody ?

I'm over everything its great, it doesnt hurt when i think back now. Because i avoid and try to contain the pain. But wow, i'm amazed how i can talk to everyone normally now, without other intentions. Im casually counseling people, talking them out of their misery, talking them into looking forward and not living in the past, getting them to let go, changing the way they view things and life. I tell them life would be much easier if you can let go of things that hurt, and that there is always hope. Its much easier said than done, i have no idea why i cant apply these to myself though.

Nothing - The Script. THE FUCKING LYRICS ARE SO FUCKING ACCURATE ITS SCARY.

I'll let go, only because i love you too much. I don't want to cause trouble in your life. I don't want to be the annoying clingy ex. I don't want to be the person you end up hating, i want the last image of me in your head is the girl that smiled through her tough times.

I really thought about a lot and i see everything i've done. Everything i was doing wrong and everything you have sacrificed for me. Because i get jealous easily, you lost your social life with girls and only hang out with guys, and because you had work and school i complain how you dont have time for me, which cause you to drift from johnno and the guys. You tried to give me time and then you start to underachieve at school, you want to make money and move out by the end of this year. I cant believe it took me this long to realise the things im doing wrong, but its already too late to know. I didnt believe it when someone said i might be bulimic, but maybe i am. I dislike food with a passion, who am i now, where did the joy in my life go, what do i stand for now ? I dont feel the same. I made a promise to myself no matter how bad life gets, my tumblr is the very one thing that remains unaffected, it'll always be the funny and entertaining blog for people. This is the first time i've ever broke this promise to myself. I don't know. I feel different. Not who i am anymore. Everytime i go to shopping centres i always find myself looking for and spraying Joop, the scent is nostalgic and melancholic, its the only scent that makes me feel like i belong, only thing that seems familiar to me anymore.

I'm currently sitting in the library at uni, I chose to isolate myself rather than go take the initiative to hang out with others, only because I don't want to move on, I don't want to create any bonds with other people and then knowing I'd drift, I don't want any form of pain. But you, the most painful thing existing in my memory yet I find myself grasping harder than ever, I don't want to open my palm and release myself, all I want now is you. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second, I'm missing you. But I believe, I believe one day, we will be back together, you will be the one I'm going to grow old with, I'm certain. Anyway, I should stop annoying you with my texts and phone calls, while still young, I should put myself out there, do something productive with my life, do what I want. I want to participate in this volunteer work and travel overseas for a month, I guess it'd be a good way to keep my mind off things, and plus my 4months travelling overseas for my course, I hope that the next time you see me, you can see I'm a changed person, inside and out, I want to change the way I view the world, as well as the way I view us. We had plans on travelling the world didn't we? Well I guess I'll just have to begin my journey first, hoping to meet you halfway. Oh and one more thing, I love you.

I found a better way to express my thoughts and emotions. Disappearing by myself for a couple hours at pcyc park. I let my heart pour, no one around to judge, no one to see, and is a place that contains vitally most of our memories. I can cry and cry and cry. I love it, i do some crazy shit, think of some crazy shit, but after some intense and turbulent thoughts, it settles with a clear blue sky in my mind. But if only, it was possible, i'd like to disappear in the past, forever.

I broke down last night. I'm sorry i did. I'm sorry you had to come see me. I'm sorry i'm just not as good anymore. BUT NEVERTHELESS i'm going to fucking live life to the fullest regardless of what bugs me. Everyone has problems, i'm not the only one. So lets go give life a shot, who knows how it's going to turn out. Maybe if i have money i dont need love. Meh, i need to learn from max black on how to live my life, i mean, i should just see the worst in everything, that way, life becomes so much better, because there's nothing you havent been expecting. Alcohol, gambling and getting high is max's best friend, life is suppose to be like that, not giving a fuck. I do what i like and what i want, dropping out of uni or not, joining the military or not, moving on or not, doesnt fucking matter. Do what i feel like and thats the duty of care i owe to myself.

http://ask.fm/lindatieu Do it guys, go on and ask me anything.

I use to be afraid that someone would notice this, someone would ask me why i did it, and i wouldnt know what to say. I use to think people would judge me for it, i use to think people would think im just doing it for attention. But it's about time to not give a fuck. The scars are my memories, they define who i am today and what i went through to still be here today. It's been a habit since yr7, i havent changed, only thing that has change is my perception on such behaviors. Some people have music as their outlet, painting as an outlet, drawing, writing diary entries, whatsoever, for me its different. Pain is my only exit. Only physical pain could help me temporarily forget about the mental pain. This is no longer called self harm in my vocabulary, it's called being free, and it's time for me to understand i dont need to give a fuck what people think, its my life, its my story. I'm proud to have them, its what makes me, me.

I know i shouldnt have, but i did. I know i shouldt log in to your account, i know its going to hurt. But i did, i logged in. What did i see. I saw you flirting with another girl, i see you moving on, i cant help but started to cry, who am i to cry though ? No one. I'm happy for you, that you moved on so fast. Hope she'll treat you better heaps better than i do, give you the things that i didnt give to you, do the things that i couldnt do. If i met a genie and i get three wishes, all three of my wishes would be for you to live a long, happy and prosperous life.

For all the years that I've known you baby

I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold

didn't you say

If there's a problem we should work it out

So why you giving me the cold shoulder now

Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl

Rain outside my window pouring down

What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry

Feeling like a fool cause I let you down

Now it's, too late, to turn it around

I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry

I guess this time it really is goodbye

You made it clear when you said

I just don't love you no more

I know that I made a few mistakes

But never thought that things would turn out this way

Cause I'm missing something now that your gone

Those simple words hit so hard

They turned my whole world upside down

Girl, you caught me completely off guard

On that night you said to me

I just don't love you no more

DONT LOVE YOU NO MORE - CRAIG DAVID

Our memories are deeply marked in my heart, but your face, your face seems unfamiliar to me. I look at a photo of you and it feels like looking at a photo of a stranger, and then i try to picture your face in my mind but i couldnt, i really couldnt, i cant get myself to put together your face. Is this a good thing ? Did i just needed someone there so i ran towards you, are you not as important as i thought you were, are you a rebound ? I don't know the answer anymore, i could only subtly see a figure of a person in our memories.

Tomorrow could have been our 5 months, i really thought we'd last thats why i bought you the early 5 months present, but if only i knew back then what i know now, would things have been different? Would i have done things a different way? Answer would probably be yes. I can't help but think that every relationship failure i must be the one in fault, i rethink about situations and conversations in my head and think about how i could have said things differently, how i i could have acted differently, how i could have showed you more of how much i really loved you. the word love is fucking retarded, it could mean happiness and sadness, depending on several conditions, whether its one sided or not, whether one loves more than one, whether its unconditionally waiting for someone, idk, i havent fully understood the word 'Love' yet, a lot is still to come, but i just wish you were here to walk this journey with me. Nothing i can do, nothing i can say. That's why i've chosen to be the shadow behind you, the one who'll always be there to help when you need it, but it wont be direct, probably through Johnathan or something. Willing to pay for your internet and telling johnathan to say that its his uncle who can get you a 50%discount is one thing, but willing to move on yet still wait for you is something i wish i could do, i'll probably love you for a very long time, and to think i'd have to go through watching you fall in love with someone else. oh my fucking god, thinking about this makes me tear up. Thats it for today, thats enough for one day.

Good day today, spent some quality hours with him talking about our lives, i still cry when i talk about you, and then i remember all the things we've went through, random flashbacks like going to the beach, or to swimming pools, at that 2m pool, but at the same time, im opening up to someone else, its like a constant battle of whether to fight harder or walk away. But i know, i know you dont even think about me anymore, i know places and things wont remind you of anything of us, i know nothing sparks your memory of us, i know you dont love me no more, i know its time to let go, i know you wont remember who i am in a years time. But i'm glad, im glad we met even if it hurts so much now.

All the letters that i've been writing to your daily, i dont have the courage to give them to you, i packed everything we've ever shared into a box, the entry tickets to places, train tickets to places we went, the ds games, the small katana, the 'ultimate games list' and our drawings of the mermaids, ring, bracelet, everything. And it is time to close the lid, time to box up all my feelings and leave it in the box, one day, not soon, but one day, i will be able to let it all go, that is when i can throw the box out along with everything we shared.

I didn't post anything lately, even after something big happened. This is because i decided to write it down on paper instead, but then coming to the realisation, thats not enough of a cure for my mind, paper is so limiting, i cant change my sentences around, i can really use my words and my sentences to its ability. This break up, i had it coming all along, i knew vanny's break up was definitely the last one i can withstand, i knew if i was going to have another one, it's going to be big, for me. It is, i'm broken in every aspect, im underachieving in my studies, i have insomnia, i sleep at like 3 or 4 then wake up at 5 or 6 in the morning, and right before i sleep every night, the part where i use to think about and miss you before i sleep i dont know from when, started to become reminiscing and all the pain that came with that is unimaginable, i cry myself to sleep and i cry myself awake, i can barely eat anymore, i get disgusted from it. Whenever i have spare time, i think, about what we would have been like, and then i cry some more. So basally i spend 95% of the time being depressed and crying. Never really felt this way about being depressed, and i think its serious this time, i dont know maybe because our future would have been so bright, our dream, our hopes and our vows, meant so much more than just words to me. How i've always said i was so lucky to have you and i meant every bit of it, i used to gave at you, your face, your eyes, your smile, so graceful. I miss it all. Our honeymoon to Rome, Paris, and paradises, our mansions when we become billionaires, our mansion in minecraft,netbanks,planning our future wedding, debit card,pcyc park, pcyc park equipments, sculptures by sea, the train rides, the bus rides, the lunches, the dinner( toscanis, j's, thai laos, pancakes on the rock, legal dinner, pho, cambo restaurant, sushi at the city), places we've been and shops that we've been, photos on my phone, and messages on my phone that i cant find the courage to delete, the laughs, the jokes, the pickup lines, the gifts, jamberoo, zoo, aquarium, every where and everything i remember so clearly like we were just fine yesterday. I dont want to be like this, i dont want to feel like this, i cant help it, i dont have a choice, i cant delete our memories just like that. Im not who i use to be and i cant be, not without you. I told Johnathan that i'm going to make sure that im walking down that goddamn aisle with noone else but you, he says its hella cute and all and that he wants us back together, i get excited and overwhelmed by hope, got me to forget somethings for a couple hours and then i was back into it, i was thinking, yes me and johnathan may think alike, but it'll never happen, i blew my chances, i blew everything, including my life. Self inflicting is no longer the problem, life is, wish i hadn't been born. The fact that its been 2 days and amazingly, my heart still feels like pressured, aching, i know it's probably a psychological factor causing this, but i can most definitely feel it. I feel like there's no way out. I'm trapped within me. My mum always question why im crying, jenny's always working or shes with her bf, i have no one. Is it time to escape? is it time to set myself free? is it time i let myself go?

S:'I've never thought about breaking up with a girl until you..... Just when we have those fights, i think about breaking up with you.' I don't know what im suppose to get from that. I broke down. I felt shit. I felt like im nothing. Im that one and only girl that came along make you change your whole perception on never breaking a girl's heart, i make you want to break up with me? I'm sorry im not good enough, i'm sorry its tough being with me and putting up with me, i'm sorry im not perfect, im sorry i cant be who you want me to be, you say i always hurt you when we have an argument, have you thought of the reasons for what caused me to start one instead of holding it in. But youre right, im always in the wrong, im ungrateful, im a shit girlfriend, i make you want to break up with me. I thought i've done all that i could, but im not getting enough of your time and attention. Im sorry im not the best person out there for you, but just know i've been trying my best, i'm doing all that i could but i'm just that girl that you think about breaking up with whenever we have a fight instead of fighting for her. I'm that girl.

You're sorry? For what ? You just weren't there. In the past week, tell me how much we've talked, tops 10 mins on the phone and today we spoke for 5 mins. Are you happy with the way we are ? If so, then i see no purpose in us. You say you have to study for this this and this, i always go so you can study, what happened to saturday is Linda's day, you didnt acknowledge that one bit, its hurts, we made our promises and our agreements, you value and remember NONE of them. You always call me at around 8, and today you were too busy and excited and hooked onto the fact youre bringing robert to red rooster you forgot about me, you forgot i was waiting, you didnt tell me, i spent my whole night aimlessly waiting for a phone call that just wasnt going to come, if i didnt text, that would be the end of the day for me, and us. I cant bear this, having a bf is the equivalent of not having one, so tell me why are you still here. I can sit here and cry for hours, and i do, but how does that help ? It doesnt. So like i said before, im just waiting for the time where you're going to be like vanny, you'll get bored, you send me a text and that text will determine the end of us. Yes shit happened for me, but whats the point in telling someone whos not going to be there, or wasnt there, telling them the matter wont help. It happened, and you werent there to share it, you know what you vowed to me ? So sweet, yet so venomous, draws one in and make them believe that this could be kept, 'to comfort, to love'? My ass.

http://www.mimco.com.au/sale/jewellery/electric-baroque-watch-1 : $119

http://www.mimco.com.au/sale/accessories/treasure-floppy-hat-1 : $49

http://www.mimco.com.au/sale/accessories/fortune-long-stem-1 : $25

OH YES PLEASE!!

I really got to stop writing so spontaneously and start reading over what i wrote, cause half the shit dont make sense. Anywho, went to see you today for 5 mins, and i felt a lot has changed between us. You and i probably dont feel the same way any more. And i am afraid. With my last relationship, Vanny broke up with me through a text, this morning i received a text at 6:30 am, i felt the vibration and an immediate chill when down my spine, tears were already covering the cornea and was prepared to let out the Niagra Falls. I didnt have the courage to open it up straight away. What if you had a good thought about it and concluded that we shouldnt be together any more, or you just dont feel the same, or you've lose feelings, or you've never loved me or we just werent meant to be? So many what ifs, the probability of you saying any of those is almost at 80%. I was certain you dont feel the same way any more. And it breaks my heart to think that we have so much to lose. I dont know man, im just wishing we could go back to the way we use to be. Yeah, i am the one thats getting tired of fighting, but what can i do ? Deal with it.

I hope you'd change your mind, and wished you'd slowly discover that i actually mean a lot to you and that it'd spark a sudden urge within you to fight for me, us.

I told you i'd meet you at cabra, and that you can turn up if you want. What i really hoped for, was that you'd do the the usual, stand against that pole and like every other time i'd like to look up that ramp and see you standing there. Today was different. The usual, i took a glance up the ramp, only to see no one, yes maybe i was a little disappointed. It's okay, i thought to myself. I can do the waiting this time. I stood up against wall, taking your place this time, and every time someone walked up the stairs, i'd die a little inside when i see that it's not you. I start thinking to myself, maybe you'll change your mind, maybe something's holding you back, maybe you're running late. I waited and waited, rain come and go, breeze turn into gust, i still saw no one. After a while the station security asked me if i'm okay, yes of course i am, i'm waiting for the love of my life, that's all. Got a lot of weird looks, weird comments, at one point undercover cops were searching druggies right in front of me, not once did i consider moving from my position, i wanted to be where you were, feel what you felt, and waited for you for once. But the longer i wait, the more i started to realise i should stop lying to myself, i'm not as important as i thought i was to you. I was hoping that maybe you'd look out the window to see the rain and wind and perhaps wonder if she's cold, or did she bring and umbrella or is that retard still waiting for me at the station. Nothing happened, i walked down the stairs and couldnt hold my tears back, i tried to hide it under my scarf, but i happen to bump into Dusan who told me that this is cabra, this isnt the place to cry. You're right, but it's not something i can control.