It's been a while since i've blogged. Does it really matter? It's always updates about my shitty life and my relationships. The only reason i've stopped isnt because everything is finally going right, it isnt because everything hasnt taken a turn for the good, but rather i've been drained of energy to even begin to describe how much i've suffered. I'm exhausted from everything. It's so repetitive anyway (about the relationships), you already know i'm going to fall in love, hard, and then end up being hurt. I'm already prepared for all of it, i'm already tearing myself apart with the thought of it, i will destroy myself so you cant destroy me. I'm tired of constantly proving my love to you when you doubt it time after time. I just wish you knew how much i cared for you, i've fallen madly in love with you, only thing is, we are the exact opposite in everything AND I JUST CANT STAND YOU. But we both fought this hard for each other, i dont know if im willing to let it go because of all the hard times, all the tears, the smiles, the fights, the memories. I try so hard to make you happy and im fed up with your harsh words, when youre angry i try to calmly assure you everything will be fine, telling you how much i care and love you, fuck it, i dont even know what to write about anymore. Shahid, oh that name, haha, would have never guessed we'd ever see each other again, and now we're going to the same parties, this is why i refuse to drink, i already know i'm going to cry about you, i'm going to tell you how much i loved you, i'm going to ask you why you gave me up so easily, why didnt you give me a second chance, how did he forget all about it. My mind's a mess, just like my life.