You didnt deserve it but i gave it to you anyway. I gave you a million chances, but you lied to me every single time. I had a hunch about it the whole time, but to confirm it 2 weeks ago, it killed me. But you know what i did? I held my head high and got through it on my own, i was concerned about you and her's feelings, i thought of solutions to address the issue, i had no time to blame, no time to react, only had time to fix things up. I found out youve been seeing her everyday, doing romantic things every week and having sex every month? I had my doubts but i chose to trust you because i am your girlfriend. I am the one you showed to all your friends, the one you show to your family, the one who stood by you, the one who supported you, the one who gave you everything i could possibly give. This is what i got in return. It's fine because all i did after the confrontation was trying to counsel you two. I spoke to her as she was telling me off, she said i put it on myself because i 'supposedly' knew you had feelings for her but i still stuck around, she said that i was in no position to spend time with you, she told me to leave you and stop talking to you, she said it in a way as though i was the third person. Me and you have been officially dating for the past 9 months. I dealt with it, i took her agreement, i compromised because i knew exactly how it would hurt. Its not the first time i caught you, but youre so good with your words and lies. Now that shes given up on your completely, youve come back to me. I didnt want to think of it like that but it just keeps creeping up on me. We are sweeter than ever, everything is running smoothly, too smoothly. To be honest im just waiting for a moment where you fuck up again so that i can leave. You want to know why? Because i thought i could live with it, i thought we can start new, and then i realise i need to learn to love myself in order for people to love me and by loving myself ive got to start giving the respect i deserve by letting go. Whenever i see your body, the only thing that's going through my mind is your body against hers, running your fingers through her hair and gliding your hands down her body and i feel disgusted. I see your face and think about all the times you looked me in my eyes and lied without hesitation and it makes me shiver, my body feels cold as though ive just seen a predator, i can feel all the blood circulating my heart and i can feel my pulse at my finger tips, im afraid of you and i feel really distant from you. You only remind me of your memories with her, i can only imagine the way you smile when youre with her, i can only picture the way your eyes light up when you see her every night, i can only see the way you look at her when she isnt paying attention. I'm just not that girl, im not nhi and i dont want to be her replacement or your toy to keep you occupied. Ive been fighting off my own monsters for the pass two weeks and now im just out of energy, i think im just going to give in and finally let everything catch up to me. I didnt let myself be sad about it but now that everything's cooled down, i have all the time in the world to let my emotions run wild. Her voice, her face and her words have been haunting me, she said "i dont care if im gonna sound like the biggest bitch but if it wasnt for you, he wouldnt turn into a cheating dickhead, you ruined everything". Im sorry. I'm sorry i didnt find out earlier, i'm sorry i wasnt smart enough to detect the signs, i'm sorry i didnt leave earlier, i'm sorry i was his offical girlfriend and better yet, im sorry that i step foot into his life. I, out of all of you have the most rights to even have a logical say in this, Im finally frustrated, im finally able to let my words out. I had more at stake than any of you, i lost everything that i have given and youre going to come up to me as a "nobody" to tell me to back off? Who the fuck are you again. What hurts me the most is that i wasnt enough for him to decide on me for the past 9 months. I give up.