I want to be a bodybuilder, not like the FULL ON HARD OUT body builders, just average ones. So my body isnt so bad. Writing today because i need to let myself remember everything that happened in case i forget over time. I went to his place, once again we done those things, yes i feel like our relationship becomes stronger when we do that but then when you tell me to come over today and i didnt, i felt like i was pushed away. As though i am a toy, to be precise a sex toy. I feel so shit right now that i dont even know how to describe it. Yes you might not like me, you might be toying with me. But im doing the same thing to myself, i just dont feel like i'll fall that hard for you. When you said you will get me whipped again, i know i know, you just like the feeling of having girls being head over heels for you. And i told you i wont fall for it this time. Im glad i cried on the spot, let out my emotions before they eat me up. I wont allow myself to become too attached, i dont want to fuck my life all over AGAIN. Please, dont fuck around. You're just lucky i havent killed you yet, im not lying when i say i actually have mental problems, hurt me again and i promise you and myself that i will make your life a living hell.