Sooo, for the past few days, my mum has been ignoring me. So what can i do ? i called her to let her know i have basketball training, she doesnt pick up and doesnt return my calls, and the other day i called her to let her know i finished early, she didnt pick up either. so now i have to train it too and from school. she didnt question me after that day i got back from basketball training at 8. i walked into the house, thought i was going to cop shit. but she stayed quiet, so i was guessing she was still ignoring me, therefore i keep my mouth shut. cos shes like a fucking bomb, she blows up whenever the fucked she wants.

So today, i was thinking if shes not going to return my calls, then no point in trying to contact her to say that im going afterschool. so then i went jennys house when i finished. until i say her incoming call, i knew shits going down... LOOL ! so i was shitting it, she told me to get home now and that she fucking whoop the fucking shits out of me. On the way home, thought about heaps of stuff. i was like whats the point being all sad about it when its not going to help, so i started smiling like a retard all the way home, cos apparently if you can make an effort to at least smile, it'll mkae you a whole lot happier. that shit was real let me tell ya that ! Man i was all ready for it. i was actually happy.

so i got home, got the same old shit again. she was yelling and screaming at me as usual, saying alme that if i dont wand SHE IS CONSTANTLY TELLING ME THAT IF I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITH HER SHE COULD KICK ME OUT OR SHE COULD FUCKING LEAVE ( dont know how i can emphasise more on that phrase)and she'd often ask( by ask i mean command the fuck out of me until she gets the answer) what i will prefer. i know she wants me to answer that i want her to stay so she can feel important and that she feels like shes won the battle. see what she did there ? :L yeah i've given in, i know after giving in, shits gonna get real. she;s going to be dominant from now on. my father was forced to leave because he couldnt stand her being so bossy and constantly asking him for money to buy grocery because she lost all her money at the RSL clubs.... yeah im kind of taking my father's role :S now that she think she is the important one, i know im gonna cop heaps of shit. soo, since the moment i came home, she never shut up, not even for a minute :L

Shes always calling me a "bitch, whore, slut, fucking cunt, stupid bitch" i know it doesnt sound like much but if you hear it from the person you once care the most for. ouch ! haha. i literally lost all my rights in this house, i was looking at the clock, and she said " you fucking bitch, why the fuck are you looking at the clock for ? you want to plan when you want to leave this fucking house? " or she'd come up with more pathetic excuses such as " why the fuck are you smiling ? You want to leave this house dont you ? and you want me to leave with your sister and just leave you alone dont you?" that isnt even the worse part yet... " you dumb skank fucking whore, why didnt you tell me you weren't coming out with us to eat, you made my wait for 10mins for you to shower and shit just to wait for you, you're planning this as a revenge aren't you ? you slut, you want to leave this house aye? ", firstly i wasnt given the invitation to go eat. secondly she only waited 10mins.. sometimes when i think back, i feel kind of bad, cos i do talk back a lot. but these two days, i dont even reply to her, because i know i cant hold my temper..

So when she lectures me, if i respond, i talked back which means i was being disrespectful, if i do not respond and stayed quiet, i am ignoring her and that is being disrespectful. likee.. make up your fucking mind, but i've got a trick. everytime she lectures me, i've got four words for myself : music on world off.


Oh oh and for everyone that was bothered to read all that shit, i hope that you'll be able to smile everyday of your life and be happy with everything thats happened, because who knows, one day, god/buddha may just feel the need to take it all away from you.

Vanny, i know we're not together anymore. but lately you've been speaking to me, even one word, or one'insulting' word from you is already enough to keep a smile on my face for the whole day. You are the reason why i can be so strong and cope with all this shit. because i have to live, live every single day to the fullest, and live it til the day i'm able to see you find the right one. the girl that is going to love you and treat you right, that's not going to betray you or put aside your feelings, someone who is going to prioritise you. someone who can do all the things, that i wasn't able to fulfill.