if only my mum knew how fucking hard im trying to save up and pay for all my bills and all, i dont even buy clothes or shoes or anything. i dont shop often, and i've recently got a job at kfc because im trying to support myself. i know i know, shes having a tough time cos she owes a lot of money because shes a gambler, but she needs to see im trying too. yesterday at work, i was only meant to work for 3 hours, and i stayed for 6 hours, it was partially because of james, but you know how many times during that 6 hours i told myself i want to give up and just go home because i havent eaten a single thing for the whole day. but at the same time i told myself to be strong, get through it and ill get money. fuck my life ! i have so much to pay for by september, i dont even know if i have the money to play basketball anymore.

This afternoon, she came home asking me for money.... i cant believe her. im struggling to pay my own tutor fees and phone bills and school fees and basketball fees and shes asking me for money ? I probably wont even have money during my birthday, i cant do anything fancy. and where did she get the right to fucking rage at me for having no money, she said im such a big spender and that she should keep all my money and that i should quit basketball. crushed. thats the only word i can come up with to describe how i feel.