Tomorrow could have been our 5 months, i really thought we'd last thats why i bought you the early 5 months present, but if only i knew back then what i know now, would things have been different? Would i have done things a different way? Answer would probably be yes. I can't help but think that every relationship failure i must be the one in fault, i rethink about situations and conversations in my head and think about how i could have said things differently, how i i could have acted differently, how i could have showed you more of how much i really loved you. the word love is fucking retarded, it could mean happiness and sadness, depending on several conditions, whether its one sided or not, whether one loves more than one, whether its unconditionally waiting for someone, idk, i havent fully understood the word 'Love' yet, a lot is still to come, but i just wish you were here to walk this journey with me. Nothing i can do, nothing i can say. That's why i've chosen to be the shadow behind you, the one who'll always be there to help when you need it, but it wont be direct, probably through Johnathan or something. Willing to pay for your internet and telling johnathan to say that its his uncle who can get you a 50%discount is one thing, but willing to move on yet still wait for you is something i wish i could do, i'll probably love you for a very long time, and to think i'd have to go through watching you fall in love with someone else. oh my fucking god, thinking about this makes me tear up. Thats it for today, thats enough for one day.