I always have this sudden urge to tell you i still love you. I'm doing all that i can to hold myself back. I cant, i cant let people know im broken, i cant let people know im weak, if they could read my mind they would think im insane. Making it seem like im moving on and doing fine. It gets tiring, but life is my stage, i dont have a choice but to stay in character and continue to act. I'm using all my strength to pull myself together, im exhausted. I cure my own mind, with worst thoughts, the scarier the thought, the more i get distracted from our memories. I dont know if you noticed but in all our train rides, i use to grasp tightly onto your hand and stare at it. This is because i knew this day would come, the day where we'd part. The day where i'll never get to hold onto that hand of yours. I would hold it tightly because i'm afraid if i let you, i'd lose you. I'd stare it, trying to observe every detail of your hand. The contouring lines, the freckles, the hair, the feel, the warmth of your hand, had been imprinted in my heart. There will always be a place in my heart where you lay. The times where i'd gaze at you sleeping from exhaustion, your breath, your snoring, the way your eyes never fully close. Im tearing up but i cant cry, im not allowed to cry, not in front of people. I'm doing fine. I will promise myself i will never cry again in front of anyone. Let my emotions, tears and sorrow leave with you. You forced me to pick myself up, dust myself off and walk this road by myself. You taught me that i have no one but myself. You taught me how if i regain faith in love, you will just get tossed onto the floor by the one you think you can trust most.