My feelings for you come and go. Most times now, i'm perfectly fine. And other times, like today, i'm not so sure. I woke up with a bad dream, a dream where you said you'd never love me again, a dream where you said you never loved me. I dont know why it had such an effect on me when it shouldnt. I want to let go, but all i see are shadows of you lurking in the places where i least expect and then haunting me for the rest of my day. You've regain your purpose and conscience in life, whereas im still wondering around, lost, confused, lonely. I'm jealous, jealous of your capability to eliminate things and people. I guess i wasnt as important as i thought i might have been. I thought i was the one who could change you. Guess not. I was your first for a lot of things, so were you for me. A moment of silence for the 'firsts' we've lost to each other. They say its quite saddening how parallel lines have so much in common, but they never meet, i say its worse when lines cross at one point and then continues off into the opposite direction, progressively further as time goes by. And yet again they say its lucky that some people are should be happy to have loved once in their life, well i wish i loved one forever. I would be lying if i said i was ready for you to leave, i was never ready and never will be. Well it's your birthday soon, i baked you a cake and i hope you like it. And dont you worry, i told someone else to say they made it so you can accept it without feeling guilty. There's so much i want to do for you, all the promises that i want to keep, but this is how reality is. Have fun at your birthday dinner with everyone who means something in your life at the moment. I dont wish that im going to be there, i just wish we never met. I'd rather be that parallel line that has so much in common with you, that you'd keep close to you even if we would never fall in love, i just want to be there.