Lies. They've become a part of me.

He asks me if i ever miss you, i said no, he asks if i have ever recalled our good memories, i said no. Lies after lies in order to convince myself i am okay, and that ive moved on. I'm sorry for being dishonest, i know its unfair for him. But im not willing to give him up, as selfish as that sounds. I still sometimes wonder if you ever think about me, do i ever come across your mind, do the things we talked about come up in your conversations, and does it remind you of me, did any of it mattered? I wish i could easily throw things away, but its okay, i use to think that the break up would change me back to the time vanny broke up with me. The heartless flirt, just going around occupying my time with little flings, but i guess not, i think i just find it hard to fall in love, but im slowly getting there. No matter how many negative connotations you have added to my belief of "whats meant to be, will be", i'm still a strong believer. Everything happens for a reason. And i know for a fact, Jacky wasnt an impulsive decision. I will learn to love him, i will learn to open up, i'll learn to let someone love me, and truly believe that they do. No doubts, no distrust, no worries. Remember how you told me you tried to give me all your time, keep your bullshit to yourself. Jacky goes to school too, and all he ever wants to do is spend time with me everyday, and all this time i was thinking it was my problem, fuck you for making me believe that. My wrists were bleeding and you didnt care. I wasnt ready for you to leave. But you left anyway.