Hyporcite

I say i hate it when i get lead on by guys, i say that i hate it when i really thought it was going somewhere but all of a sudden they stop talking, i say i hate it when they come back to talk to me when they are bored, i say i hate it when they talk to 10 other girls the same way they talk to me, i say i hate it when they become selective of who they want to talk to, but, i do the same. I know i should take my chances with someone when i'm ready not when i'm lonely, but it cant be help, the attention and the lust given forces me to long for more. I mean it's like saying you have krispy kreme laying on your dinner table but a) do you walk away from it because you know you need to lose weight b) devour it and worry later ? Me being me, i take the opportunity first. I feel really bad for those i gave false hope to, it was in the spite of the moment that i just wanted to feel like i was loved, i'm sorry, i feel even worse when they persistently try to talk. But that only applies to some of them. Others, i want to talk to them it's just that my mind no longer has the mentality to engage in long conversations, i tend to avoid them, saying "ttyl" "brb" but i dont come back until a couple days later when my mind is ok with talking to them again, although i know within my heart i actually would love to talk to them. I'm not sure, but i think im going to conclude that, ive created barriers, walls, to stop myself from getting attached or just stopping them from learning my secrets, i dont really want to open up at all, i dont want to get close and then drift again, i just cant, i cant fall in love even if i wanted to. People who think they know my story or that i've opened up to you, you only know what i want you to know. I dont see whats the point of me being good with mind games when i cant apply my tactics to the one i loved and lost, i'm weak when it comes to them, and that is what contributed to my downfall.