I'm so sad i didnt go to the audition for Miss Sydney Chinese. No i'm not saying "wow, im so pretty, i would have made it for sure", it's just that i feel like i tossed away a great opportunity to change life. I dont like beaches anymore. I mean if you have been reading my blog since the day i've made it, you would know how much i love the beach. But I dont know, when i see a beach, i get an overwhelming nostalgic feeling, and then i have an anxiety attack, i literally find it hard to breathe. But similarly, i always struggle with breathing when i come across any of me and his memories, or his name. I panic, then i forget how to breathe, then my chest gets hit by a heavy force. Well, every time i get those panic attacks, i recover within a couple minutes, so its all good i guess. :D It's not that i hate the beach, i hate the memories associated with it, especially bondi. I remember when you swam towards the deep and strong currents, i was worried as hell for you! I was so scared something bad was going to happen, you have no idea how much you've scared me! I still remember every conversation we've had, and i remember the day we met like it was yesterday. But i now, i no longer long for things to go back in time. Because those that dont fight to be in your life, dont deserve to be in it. Hell, my darlings you are all worth someone that's going to stick by you through thick and thin. It's going to get better, it certainly will. I guess it's a relief that we're over, it was always stressful being with you, constant worries of losing you, constantly trying to look good because you have a lot of pretty female friends, always trying to make you happy, impress you because you are a flirt, always afraid you're not receiving enough love and care because of what you wen through in life. It was a lot of pressure on me because you were beautiful, close to perfection and i'm.. look at me... its like youre the beauty and i'm the beast.