Over that phase?

I'm over the being depressed and angry about my relationship failure phase and currently entering the "i miss everything" phase if you know what i mean. It's not so much hatred and anger in regards to why he left but more about if only he stayed. I'm afraid of heights, the dark and being lonely, but for him i wouldnt mind diving off a cliff into the deep ocean and live there forever in darkness if that's what it'll take. But for now, it's time to pretend im doing fine and moving on fine because i'm not going to lie, i miss having someone there for me, to hold me, to kiss me, to touch me, to just simply listen to me. I've actually thought about it, if there was anything big that happened in my life, who could i possibly run to? The first person that came to mind was still his name, even though it's technically not true, he will not be there for me, he will not listen, he will not hold me, he will not tell me its fine, all he'll say is " i dont know what to say, sorry ". I wonder if this world was suddenly coming to an end, who would you run to? Joy? Caroline? Vivien? or the other Vivien? Or to Johnathan, Robert, Brian and Vuong? Or is it to your brother? I'd know for certain, even if you were to run to any of them first, im more than willing to escort the both of yous to safety, i'd put his priorities as my own, because isnt this what love is about? It's not about receiving, it's about how much you're willing to show the person what they mean to you through actions.