The Chase.

“But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I got to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept…”

— Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

21st September 2012

Had an alright day today, its the bloody last day of year 12!! Its picnic day, or whatever they want to call it. Weather wasnt so great though, kinda gloomy and cold, well to me it was freezing. So like i dont have a water gun, got up early to go woolworths to purchase a bucket. Ain't nobody got shit on me now HAHA well, i dont know why i wore white today, because i'm a slut? Nah. just grabbed it out of my wardrobe. It was pretty tiring and i didnt know whether i wanted to go to the legal dinner thing. Honestly, i only signed up because it was free food. If not, i wouldnt bother because it's all the smart people going and i'll feel intimidated. SO ONTO THE GOOD NEWS, the yr12s got separated, so we had to sit with yr11s. I knew all 3 of them surprisingly, well technically i knew Jenny and Grace, but Shahid, i just remember him faintly from Caroline's party. Oh jesus christ he was very VERY awkward, not only was he one of the 3 yr11s, he was also the only guy at the table LOL because he sat directly opposite me, we kept having awkward eye contact and then forced to smile at each other, i could help but have to turn and ask annie if shes been getting these awkward eye contacts with him too. Not gonna lie, i found him cute, fuck i feel so pedo! What are you doing Linda?! Normally i'm not that retarded, but because we're being real honest here, i acted more rowdy than usual to get his attention. I was suppose to sleepover at annies, but then i was like "man i have to take the train home, anyone else here taking the train" hehehe, he was the only one who said yes. IN, Linda, IN. HAHA He was just like how i expected, easy to talk to, charming and charismatic. Best smile i've ever seen.

22nd September 2012

Not to be creepy or anything, but because i already knew shahids name, i facebooked him LOL! No seriously, im really good at this stuff. And thought i'd add him today rather than yesterday because dont want to seem desperate. Well, he accepted it within a minute WOOHOO, think he was camping there or something waiting for the friends request. CAUGHT RED HANDED. LOL Havent been doing much today, unproductive, but still a good day because i made a new friend. I'm actually surprised at how fast we clicked.

23rd September 2012

Went to wattamolla beach with t blockers today, im not very fond of dirty water or going into the water at any beach, though i love beaches. Practically sat there in the sand for the whole day just chilling, was also holding on to tracis ihpone so i wouldnt get thrown into the water, smart arent i? well well, on the way back, ironically sat next to vanny, me and him was singing along to "we are never getting back together" HAHAH we just broke up a month ago for the second time! Anywho, got back to cabra to meet up with jenny and i'm sleeping over at annies today. I kept dragging jenny near around the train station area, this is because i know all the younger tbs go there, and ...... i was trying to bump into shahid..... HAHAHAHHAHA shush, stop judging. WELL I CAN TELL YOU THIS, HE MADE MY DAY TODAY. I bumped into him, and first thing he did, walked to the asian store, bought mi goreng and gave it to me in front of his friends. I feel special. This i would say, would be one of the most significant and special night so far for this year. I was hugging the mi goreng all night and fan girling over his photos on facebook. No shut up, i'm not creepy.

25th September 2012

I'm feeling down today, listening to skinny love. Okay, i may sound bloody possessive but idgaf. I was on his wall today and saw that he's been talking to vivien tang a lot as well. I was surprised they knew each other at first, small world. But i dont know, when i see that he replies to her and not me, i feel kinda cut. Dont judge. I know me and him are just friends. But fuck, i dont know why im confessing about these things, i cried today :( I cried because i thought me and him was going to progress into something more than friends.

27th Septmeber 2012

Sent each other editted photos of who has a better body. Oh jesus christ, you are so weird and i think i like you. Heard he's been sick, i dont know why i care so much but i did. I got him hot chocolate and a fever pad. Forced him to go grab dinner with me because i can HAHAH oh man, having me as a friend, i feel sorry for him!

2nd October 2012

Finally built up the courage to ask him to go hang out with me somewhere, decided to go parra. Met him at the station and as we were going to walk down, he said he saw one of his female friends so we stayed up at the bridge of the train station. Wonder who or why he was avoiding. Nevertheless we bumped into aderson! Us three literally just became a close trio instantly, went to parra looking for a gift for adersons friend. While looking at necklaces we were discussing on what to get her so she doesnt get the wrong idea. Fucking them two was like "get her a dolphin, friendzone the bitch HAHAHAH" oh you guys make my day everyday. So then me being me, took the opportunity to tell shahid to get me a dolphin necklace to friendzone me, so that he can be like "nahh i wont ever friendzone you" Nek minit, he's like "yeah sure, get you a dolphin necklace anyday" HAHAH but no worries, from that, i got a hug from him from behind. Then we chilled at the park hugging each other. hehehehe and sorry about your hickeys !

5th October 2012

Still not quite certain what we are yet, are we seeing or just friends? Anyway he invited me to go beach with his friends, i love it when guys arent afraid to show me off to his friends and asking me to go hang out with them. Even though i knew i was going to be awkward being the only yr12 there, ah well. While on the train ride there, his friends sat at a 6 seater along with me, he sat ina two seater, then he patted the seat and told me to come over. Think my ovaries exploded HAHAH then he leaned on my and hugged me. At the beach we we're all playing tips and then, the yr11s are sooo niceee. me and him just chilled on the sand, HUGGING, needed emphasis because he knows how to make my day everyday.

7th October 2012

Listening to skinny love again. Nothing productive today, but im seriously losing hope, i'm like sitting here waiting for you to talk to me. Please talk to me already HAHA I dont know what you're doing, i just hope you're not talking to the 5729747364726 girls you told me about. Oh insecurities and low self esteem kicking in. Nevermind, you talked to me, i think i like you even more when you open up to me like this. Shit its like i feel 100times more special, you opening up to me after we just met for like a couple weeks. this is going so fast. omg i dont know whats going on, im just happy you came into my life !

8th October 2012

I really hate myself for liking someone i have no chance with. Its so stupid because i know im suppose to stop talking to him like this, but i cant. When you guys ask me whats wrong, nothing. Nothings wrong, just sitting here wishing you knew how i felt and that you'd like me back. lol. sad lyf or what guiseeeee?

14th October 2012

Hmm went woolworths shopping with you at night because thats all i can ask for, i'm just a friend. These mixed signals along with my mixed emotions arent helping. But hey, i dont even know anymore, because before i got on the train, you kissed me. YOU KISSED ME. I MEAN WE KISSED MATE. OUR VERY VERY VERY FIRST KISS, but doesnt change the fact we're still nothing but friends. Oh life, where are you taking me ?

18th October 2012

i dont know if you have noticed, but i fail so seek security from love. I dont believe in love. I have most definitely lost my trust with it. The insecurity i feel overwhelms me sometimes and the fact that you are one of those guys that a lot of girls like just simply glosses over the fact that i dont feel like i can trust you yet, i've built walls around myself and it tends to scare me that you'll probably give up on breaking through them. Not only that, i feel insecure to those that you have so called " were interested in " or " dated " in the past, every single one of them are pretty and im just sitting here, listening to you talk about how hot they are. I dont know about you, but to me i kind of feel like that was a self esteem attack, you made me feel as though im nothing compared to them, one thing you shouldnt do is talk about other girls that you were interested in to me, but its another thing to talk about how hot they are cos that just brings it to a whole new level. i dont know if im annoyed or just simply fucking sad that im sorry i cant be that great, if you dont accept who i am then just give up on me, i dont want to fall deep enough so that when we part i will be tearing myself up all over again. got it ? adios bitches.

21st October 2012

Feeling more and more insecure. You're goodlooking, you've got a fun personality, you told me about how you use to be a player, read your inboxes on facebook and you still flirted up until one or two weeks ago. Tell me how to trust you. Also finding out the day that i was happiest, the day i got the mi goreng from you, thinking you liked me, you now tell me you made out with vivien on that day, thanks man. But on a serious note, that mi goreng day will always be the best day of my life.

25th October 2012

Had my business hsc exam today, it was much easier than i thought. Seriously thought i'd never make it through the exam without crying LOL Today is also a very special day, IT IS JENNYS BIRTHDAY, but another thing is... THE CHASE IS OVER, HE ASKED ME OUTTTTTTTTT, IM HIS GURLLLLFRANNNNNNNNNNNNN HAHAHA NOTHING CAN DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I AM. When he asked me, i was playing hard to get just to much around, oh im such a bitch. I have a feeling, this is going to last, he is my knight in shining armour. Providing me with such happiness, i think my walls are slowly decaying and breaking down!! I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH! Please dont ever hurt me.